Bouncer Logic: Moths

You’re stood patiently in the queue. You’ve bombed, shotted or downed perhaps one or two too many in that nondescript pre bar and they’re taking their toll. You certainly weren’t bumping into that pretty lady beside you 10 minutes ago, perhaps you’re starting to feel the effects. You’re edging closer to the door and you’re now playing tag with the wall. You’re at the front, you’ve maintained eye contact, answered the bouncers questions and alas,

“You’re not getting in tonight”

Its the phrase you’ve been dreading. You’ve wasted a large amount of time queuing, and your friends are inside now. You don’t have a wingman as they’ve cast you aside because you’ve failed at acting sober.

A rational man would lick his wounds, eat to sober up and perhaps try somewhere else. The drunkard likes to rejoin the queue at the back. Repeat the same process and get knocked back again. Einstein defines insanity as follows “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”. You are but moths to a glowing bulb! Its idiocy. The first time its because you were drunk, and noticing this, time is taken by the bouncer to check what you’re wearing for future reference. You’ve also soiled your top and have a permanent marker mono brow. You are struggling!

Pro-Tip…ask the bouncer if it’s ok to get food and try again after having food. It takes approximately half an hour for chips and cheese or some MSG laden delight to work its magic. Have something sugary with electrolytes, 7up is the best, then take some time out. Then, when your friends see you in the club later, they’ll think youre king of the blag. You might even remember things they might not. Like someone getting hit in face with a piss filled trainer for banter.

Anywho. Stay safe out there

The Bouncer