Geordie Shore: ‘Some of your initiations are worse than anything we’ve had to do’

Disclaimer: This article contains strong Geordie slang and sexual references from the outset and throughout.

The lads and lass are famed for being rowdy, rambunctious and excessively talented in the field of pulling, (tashing on) but on the union stage, Gaz admitted to actually being ‘quite shy,’ with Vicky adding that it didn’t help that we’re all ‘dead clever.’

However, this impediment didn’t stop Gaz from revealing that he has bucked a grand total of 1009 lasses. This left the audience paralysed with indecision, half wanting to be the 1010^th ‘buck’, yet more than half repulsed at his indecision over whether he actually respected these women or not(?!)

One distraught/impressed member of the union appealed desperately to the demi-god with a ‘degree in pulling,’ crying out ‘I’m on two!’ Gaz was quick to offer his wingman services to the comparative virgin, promising to impart his wisdom to the unwitting youngster. See The Tab next week for an anonymous article titled ‘Chlamydia and Cambridge.’

Probably not the first time they’ve all shared the same bed with each other

And if you thought waking up after a night of incestuous passion next to your college parent was canny bad, try having your Mam watch your sexual escapades on international TV.

What’s more, the three revealed that if they find a belta special enough to risk perpetual awkwardness at the family Sunday dinner; for a quick shag the consenting partner has to sign several contracts before the drunken fumbling (all caught on night cam) can begin. A.k.a what Gaz called, ‘the biggest cockblock in the world.’

The appeal of the show came into question, with competing shows such as TOWIE and MIC raised to the trio. They all assured the audience that there is no real sense of competition between the shows, but bluntly and accurately put it, ‘you don’t wanna sit and watch posh people drink bloody Marys… you could be watching young daft people drinking jager bombs.’ Essentially a Sunday night in Lola’s.

The gang also talked getting pounced on by hen and stag do’s, the perks of their new found fame (free clothes and booze) and one of James’s few contributions, his ability to perform CPR. Still unsure whether this was euphemistic or not.

Almost certainly a euphemism.

But the fun didn’t end with their talk. In a more intimate interview with the Tab, Geordie Shore revealed their sensitive side.

When asked whether they were nervous about appearing at the union, James replied:  ‘We were worried at first that people were going to judge us for getting drunk on TV, but everyone was so nice that as soon as we walked in, all the nerves dropped.’ with Gaz admitting that ‘My opinion changed when we went to dinner and heard about your initiations and Suicide Sunday or whatever. And drinking societies. I think some of your initiations and stuff are worse than anything  we’ve ever had to do.’ 

Things took a darker turn when the Tab innocently asked whether the amount of sex they were having led to any history of STDs, at which point Eloise from MTV got very angry and asked if we thought those questions were appropriate. And then asked what publication we were from again. Repeatedly.

Sorry Eloise, you’re right, we shouldn’t have asked them about sex, that’s not what Geordie Shore is about.

Who can forget the episode where the group discussed the minutiae of a two-state solution for Israel/Palestine? Incidentally, Gaz’s favourite sex position is ‘spooning a girl on the side.’ Good for him.

Fun trivia: Gaz got an A* in Maths. No wonder he’s happy.

Things got wistful when the team were asked about their plans post Geordie Shore. Vicky has had time to think about setting up a business, while Gaz mused that ‘for the first three or four series we thought it was just getting pissed and having fun, but then we realised that we’ve got a platform we can use to our advantage.’

The increasingly harried Eloise from MTV hastened to point out that the show was nowhere near ending.

It’s interesting to think that while we’re toiling over our overdue essays,  the cast are almost certainly getting ‘fucking mortal,’ rolling in freebies, and being tweeted by Sabrina the teenage witch. However jealous or bemused we might be of their lifestyle, the three are down to earth, humble and pretty sound; perhaps the most normal people on reality TV.

And after this, if you’re not clamming to watch their new series, (which promises Marnie being a ‘bit of a cunt’) heed Gaz’s words that Geordie Shore ‘might teach you something Cambridge won’t.’