Hawks’ and Ospreys’ Charity Ball 2012

Saturday 12 October, £35

There’s something a little bit unnerving about going to a ball where everyone there could probably eat you for breakfast.

Being asked “What sport do you do?” by everyone I met felt a bit like freshers’ week at Loughborough, and given that the last team sport I did was probably orchestra, I didn’t have much to say in reply. But it was a testament to the Hawks’ and Ospreys’ Charity Ball that this had absolutely no impact on my enjoyment of the night.

Although slightly questionable in quality, the champagne was flowing from the word go, and crowds around the tables were kept to a minimum by a little angel who kept on popping up unexpectedly, her eagerness to replenish glasses for a good hour and a half after the night began adding an extra layer of class to the proceedings.

There was no shortage of further sustenance either, with four drinks, a burger, a hog roast and all the candy floss and brownies you can fit behind that six pack of yours included in the ticket. Particularly notable was the filling-to-bun ratio in the hog roast, resulting in me leaving a porcine trail of dropped meat along the Union’s hallowed halls.

Drinks-wise, at least three bars were strategically placed around the building meaning that queueing was never an annoyance and the options ranged from the standard pints and spirit/mixer combinations to some more adventurous cocktails.

So as to avoid a dance floor populated only by a handful of overly boozed dad-dancers in the earlier part of the evening, the music was tactically programmed to pick up the pace as the night progressed: a jazz band welcomed us, the a cappella group Cadenza drew us in, and Orphans of the Beefy Incident laid down some Cindies anthems before DJ Christian Bak took over for the rest of the night. Unfortunately though, this wasn’t enough to get the crowd moving, leaving the dance floor looking fairly sparse all night.

Decor was slightly lacking, with an excess of bunting in the chamber leaving it looking like a village fête, but this begs the question – how much can you really do with a space like the Union? It served its purpose well, but, as proven by most events held there, the potential for a May Ball-esque transformation isn’t huge.

What was lacking in design was made up for in attractions, with a chunder-inducing bucking bronco and May Ball favourite, Churchill Casino, to keep guests occupied until the night finished at 2am. And the party didn’t stop there with wristbands getting guests free entry into Life.

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve got Blues coming out of your arse, or if you’re as good at sport as this guy, the Hawks’ and Ospreys’ Charity Ball was overall a very enjoyable evening.