We went behind enemy lines to a Uni of Nottingham formal

Bow ties, wine, cheese and banquet length tables, three courses of food brought to your table whilst not having to do anything other than sip wine and reminisce about the good old times when the servants carried the Pheasants to Luncheon.

This is what you will find in a typical Uni Of Nottingham Formal.

Typical uni of student

As a lowly Trent Student I was invited to brave the crossing into the Trust Fund dominated world of the over-privileged Made in Chelsea wannabes who often proudly boast about Fathers newest exploits and how well the hounds were doing on their latest hunts whilst moaning that they could only afford three weeks in Dubai this year.

The dress code was formal so of course out came the Armani suits and the D&G belts as they all waltzed into a great hall with coats of arms and pictures of old gentlemen overlooking the five long tables with the top table reserved for those even more regal than the others. All stood up, said grace and the meal began.

Tasted Just Like Dolmio Sauce

Starter: Tomato Soup

Main Course: Lamb Shank

Dessert: Cheesecake

Drinks: Red Wine (lots of it)

After the meal which, bar the cheesecake I had three helpings of, was average at best came the speeches.

Two former Presidents of the hosting hall, who had spent all evening acting like campaigning politicians shaking hands left, right and centre while pretending to be interested in the endless anecdotes given by other students, gave talks which consisted of thanking everyone who ever lived and quite tame digs at Trent and how we apparently can’t spell University.

Throughout the evening we were treated to the musical talents of a student playing all the latest songs mixed in with the odd polite applause expected from those at such a prestigious event.

Then came the personal highlight of my evening, a mass sing-a-long of Angels by Robbie Williams for reasons I’m still not sure of. After came the cheese, wine and handshakes on a job well done.

Great Banter

As I left to call it a night I overheard the sentence: “you would not get this at Trent” and they were right.

Yes we make fun of the Uni Of Nottingham for being posh entitled people but one thing is for sure, they know how to throw a formal that isn’t just pre drinks then Ocean every week.

I am not saying that we at Trent should wear bow ties every formal, but a little variety wouldn’t hurt. I managed to survive the occasion with no silver spoon and no hatred for the common people.