Why you picked the wrong uni if you’re not at Trent

You didn’t need further proof that we have more fun than Beeston.

We are all aware of the long standing rivalry between Nottingham Trent and the University of Nottingham.

Their stuck up and snobbish attitude towards us has gone on for far too long, which is why it is time to show them who the real winners of Nottingham are.

Let’s be honest, all Trent students pride themselves on their commitment to Ocean Wednesdays. If you aren’t prepared to go all out, you might as well go home! Trent fancy dress fanatics pile on down to the club every week and show no shame as they continue to wear weirder and wackier outfits.

Plus, as the founders of the Baywatch dance, we show that we don’t take ourselves too seriously and know how to do a night out justice.

50 love bites!? They just can’t get enough 

While these fancy dress creations never fail to look amazing on us, they look even better on our bedroom floors. Some say we’re easy, we prefer the term experienced.

For some reason UoN seem to think Trent students are the slags of the city, but now is our chance to set the record straight. Being better is not a bad thing, which is probably why they keep turning up to our nights out.

Not to mention, unlike our rivals, plain Jane is in the minority at Trent and instead we are surrounded by trendy Wendys. We definitely have a flare for fashion and are not afraid to rock those charity shop bargains. Talented and trendy, what more could you ask for?

Don’t be fooled though, we never let our top sense of style go to our heads. Trent’s down to earth students are often regarded as common but compared to UoN students, who are yet to remove the silver spoons from their mouths, anyone would seem inferior to them.

Having the best takeaway in town named after us seals the deal. There is no better way to end your night than with a kebab and a tray of cheesy chips.

It is definitely the cream of the crop as far as takeaways in Nottingham are concerned, which is why it only seems fitting that it has the name of the city’s best uni in shining lights above its doorway.

Trent is slap bang in the middle of the city, so we can make the most of the pubs, restaurants, bars, shopping centers and most importantly, clubs, that are right on our doorstep.

No one wants to be getting buses everywhere and spending a fortune on taxi’s, luckily for us we can leave that to UoN students and their swelling banks of mum and dad.

Trent: Home of the ‘jellyfish man’

You can go hard or you can go home. This is the motto we live by and the one that shows UoN students what being a real student is all about- fueling yourself with booze, having a blast, then taking a break ready for the next night.

We even find the time to study hard and get good grades. Whoever said multitasking was just for women clearly has never met a Trent student.

So you can shove your daddy’s wallet up your arse.