All of the struggles of living in Stanmer Court

It was one of your last options but you’re stuck here now. Think less ‘Fresh Meat’ more ‘I’m a Celeb’ at the sweet price of £150 a week.

Stanmer Court is much like a neglected middle child of Sussex University accommodation. Most fittingly described as 'average'. 'Average' rent, semi-functioning facilities and some particularly irate porters.

Despite these incredibly triggering first-world problems and the fact that the most social place in Stanmer Court is the smoking area, it could be worse.

The trek to campus.

There is no point in being friends with someone from Northfield, they may as well be in Australia. That’s why you only ever see big groups of Stanmer Court residents together, I mean who actually wants to pre at Stanmer but the people who live there?

No tah

Friday 9 a.m. fire alarms?!

Godfrey, we know you have something to do with this. No doubt you'll be unlucky enough to see some fit guy in block A when you're all kitted out in your disney onesie with toothpaste on your face. Mmmmm, attractive.

The AMEX stadium lights.

The yellow light makes you feel like you're at the slow and tedious beginning of Armageddon. It took me a good few months to realise I wasn't being called to the other side and that the yellow haze comes from the lights the AMEX use to keep the pitch looking swanky and healthy. Still very confusing if you're drunk.

And while we're on the topic of the AMEX stadium, the football fans will wake you from any drink or drug induced stupor. You won, great, please shut up.

There I was waiting for an apparition to take me away from this dump…

Stanmer Court is hotter than The Arch on a DNB Friday

The pain of clubbing without the pleasure. With each floor it feels like you’re ascending into Hell. If hell smelt like a mixture of weed, piss and mouldy food.

The eternal stench in Block B

Maybe it’s the puddle of piss in the lift or smushed cheese sticks from East Slope bar. Whatever the source is, I recommend taking the stairs.

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Seriously though, what is that smell?

Despite these struggle Stanmer Court has some redeeming qualities.

1. The station. You’re getting the train from home to uni, what about that long ass walk through campus with your suitcase. Oh wait, you’re basically living in the train station.

2. Those penguins that started appearing all over Stanmer Court last year. Lovingly described as 'the chilly little creatures' by reception who have interrogated the block for the possible perpetrator or artist depending on your appreciation of this great modern-day icon.

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This little guy rivals Banksy

3. The people aren’t the worst. You'll meet many people at Stanmer that you'll remember, for both good and bad reasons. They're an odd but lovable bunch.

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