Let’s be honest guys, Ring of Fire is the deadest drinking game

If Ring of Fire was a colour, it would be beige

It’s inevitable, if you have ever attended a pre-drink session and find bringing a glass to your face and sipping alcohol too mundane someone will suggest a dead drinking game, none is more so than Ring of Fire.

With literally hundreds of games to chose from, it always seems to be the one game that is always put forward with everyone scrambling to find a deck of cards to throw all over their table. The mess then continues to live on the table for the next week like ancient ruins of a pre-drink session gone terribly awry.

You then lose four cards out of the deck, meaning the next time you play this abomination of a drinking game you have to invest actual money in buying a new deck of cards.

Frankly, Ring of Fire is really crap. Lets look at the evidence.

No one actually understands the rules

“Wait, what is waterfall?””No, if you pick a five all the guys drink right?””Can you use thumb master more than once?”. This sort of shit goes on for at least half an hour with people debating what the cards actually mean.

Can’t agree on the rules? The whole game has to be stopped whilst someone gets the rules up on their phone, slowing down this already slow-paced game.

The game never finishes 

52 cards with different rules is a lot to stomach. I guess a saving grace of the game is that it does get you drunk enough to realise what you are doing is pretty dull and you then create a much more interesting game involving actual fire or something else dangerous. If anyone has fully completed a game, they are lying, they are not to be trusted, and they are probably called Jay.

Oh god the mess

Since you’re drunk and probably heading out, no one thinks to sort out the mess on the table. The cards will remain there until someone gets annoyed at them or wants to play the dead Ring of Fire again. Uses of these cards include, but are not limited to, being used as beer mats, tissues, or ninja stars.

You have that one person who brings spirits, and only spirits

“Sorry guys I’m gonna have to sit out on doing waterfall, I only have vodka” Great.

Or the other person who only brought one beer 

Can I borrow a beer?”

The king card is pointless

The king card is meant to be the ultimate crescendo of the game, but again no one ever gets that far. In reality it just ends up being you wasting some of your drink by putting it in a jug which everyone inevitably pussies out from drinking. At least the jug acts as a weird beery air freshener after being left there for a few days, if you’re into that sorta smell.

Oh you said orange or purple for the rhyming section, how inventive

HA. no.

The Jack rules are always uninventive too

Drinking double the amount or always drinking when someone else drinks is officially tied for first place as the most suggested Jack rule. Might I suggest a rule in which you can only talk in rhyme or having to say your sentences backwards?