What Sussex uni really teaches you
Protect your food from seagulls at all costs
Buzzfeed recently published the article 33 Times Brighton Proved How Brighton It Is, but we’d bet that they’ve never lived in Brighton as students, so they have zero idea what they’re talking about, especially seeing as they missed the universities off the list completely.
Here’s an alternative list of what you REALLY learn at Sussex. Because you don’t learn the basics of survival at Sussex from your lecturers.
Teh Univursity of Susex Facebook page is the best thing ever
Students demonstrating is a weekly occurrence
You’ll want to shoot every single one of the Sussex Snow members in the genitals when they blast shit music in Library square.
You learn to leave seminars early so you don’t miss the free tea, coffee and biscuits the Christian society give out in Library square
We love you all
Seeing the LARP (Live Action Role Play) Society dressed like Vikings
They fight with plastic swords in various locations across campus. This doesn’t phase us any more.
You get used to seeing Caroline Lucas chillin’ on campus
Timing your trips to Co-op so you don’t end up in the monster queue
Never go between 10 to and 10 past.
Protecting your meal deal so a seagull doesn’t steal your sandwich the second you open it
Your core reading is sometimes written by your tutor
Yes, that awkward dad-like figure (who is more effective at putting you to sleep than the Harry Potter audio book ) spent five years working in a garment factory just to write a book. Which you’re supposed to have read.
The SU shop £1 wraps aren’t a bargain, because they have no filling
How to walk around the library for 20 minutes just to find friends
And leaving if you can’t find anyone to help you procrastinate.
If you lose your library card , you will not get a new one for 3 years because it’s just too far up the fucking hill of death
You do so much complaining about how much work you have and how hard your life is when you have six hours a week and barely do anything
Eduroam. Is. The. Pits.
It’s worth defending East slope like it’s your first born when you know it’s a shit hole
But you love it anyway.
It’s not unusual to wake up to an aggressive squirrel in your kitchen
You or someone near you, will, at some point, be K-holing
You’ll get so used to the ridiculous speed at which the famous trans bus driver goes you won’t even bat an eyelid
Watch out if you see a promoter by Falmer Station.
It’s key to avoid eye contact, put headphones in and pretend to be on your phone.
You will meet the secret man under the bridge
He runs daily song-guessing competitions where students can play to win piano lessons from him. Plus he has a great selection of head accessories.
Thinking you’re so edgy cos you managed to find a Carhart jacket for £20
It’s not an achievement. We’ve all been to Dirty Harry.
Getting a wall hanging
Walking through the Lanes when you first move into your second year house, buying an “authentic” Buddhisty Hinduey ethnicy-looking wall hanging and thinking you’re the first to do so. You’ll regret it.
All you will see on your Facebook feed is petitions and links to social justice articles
You’ll try to eat meat or dairy in the privacy of your own home but get called a murderer by your vegan flatmate every time you take a bite
Moulsecoombe is the Antarctica of Brighton
If you meet a northerner, you’ll be thinking they’re a mirage
You will never find any ripe avocados in Aldi
It is a daily struggle.