Patrick Leigh-Pemberton: Why does it always rain on me?

I do not for one second believe that the reason it rains so much in St Andrews is because I lied when I was seventeen. I prefer the suggestion that the reason is the climate of Scotland. Scotland is a wet country. St Andrews is by the Sea. The Sea is also wet. Water goes up from that large wet blue thing that surrounds us, and must come down from the ominous grey fluffy things above us. This is the way that the world works, and has worked for some time.

It may sound like I am stating the obvious, but based on conversations I have overheard in the past couple of weeks, it seems that most people just were not prepared for the rain when they applied to spend four years in this wonderful fishing town.

This upsets me. I find it odd that people are willing to moan about weather that is obviously going to occur. We study from autumn through the beginning of spring. When we are in this town, we should prepare for precipitation. I think we should celebrate it. When it rains, stop hiding behind fogged up windows. Stop pretending it is acceptable to drive to or get a taxi to lectures (this town is smaller than some Chinese Emperors chess boards…it is never acceptable to do either of those things).

This is a grey town, which is nice in sunshine, but powerful in the rain. Imagine every street scene when it is raining as the opening shot of a film, and you will see that this town comes alive with feeling when the weather is making itself known. Similarly, use of the beach should not be restricted to rare fair days. When it is windy and miserable, and the rain is falling sideways, go out to the Beach. Watch the tide. Imagine the energy and power of each crashing wave, the weight of water within it, and how the winds and the weather have created something so strong from mere contact.

When the town is moping in misery, marry your mind to maritime majesty. If you want, buy a long coat that flaps about your ankles as you make your way up the headland. Learn King Lear’s speech from the heath scene. Immerse yourself in a world that is already emotionally charged, and let it wash over you.

Some people may be crying out that I am ignoring the fact that not everyone enjoys the rain as much as I do. Some people are so wilfully blind they don’t want to enjoy contact with that which gives us food, which gives us the drinks we require (Water is, after all, an essential ingredient in many many forms of fermentation), that allows us to wash ourselves.

Well, this may be, but these people are fools, and shouldn’t have come to Scotland to study. Instead, I applaud those who understand the nature of this town, and buy Barbours and Wellies. These people are clever (except for my one grievance – WHY WOULD YOU WALK AROUND A PUDDLE WHEN YOUR ENTIRE LOWER LEG IS WATERPROOFED?) The greatest fun in the world is jumping in a puddle in Wellies and splashing your less well-prepared friends. Who refuses that opportunity?