Oxford one-ups St Andrews in the Library

As St Andreans, every time we look at a university league table, we are forced to stare up at the name ‘Oxford’. Well, now those kids have something else to hold over our heads: they’re bonking in their library.

As St Andreans, every time we look at a university league table, we are forced to stare up at the name ‘Oxford’. Well, now those kids have something else to hold over our heads: they’re bonking in their library.

After last week’s masturbation scare, St Andrews students breathed a sigh of relief to find out that the notice posted on the boys’ bathroom was just a hoax and that no one had actually been caught having a ‘study break’ in the toilet.

Some Oxford students must have read The Stand, and decided once again to show St Andrews that they were that bit more eloquent in their interviews for a reason.

According to reports from Oxford, Oriel College Library has been partially shut after too many undergrads were caught studying anatomy. The library hours have now been restricted, apparently sending the message, “DO IT IN THE DAYLIGHT!”

In reference to the incidents (in the Theology section, no less), Senior Dean, Juliane Kerkhecker, noted in her college-wide email that, “The library is not being treated with the appropriate consideration this term.”

Once again, The Stand asks, why don’t we have a bigger library? A library where students could get ‘lost’ together in some dark secluded corner. Instead, we feel so much anxiety from the carpet and the lack of seating that we have to go pull a quickie by ourselves in the bathroom.

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