How to keep warm on a night out
A fool-proof guide
A problem all students face; how to keep away the chills when you’re out and about on the town. And no, just bringing a jacket is not the solution. It ruins the whole aesthetic. There are many other guaranteed ways on how to keep snug whilst on the bevs.
Twerk like there’s no tomorrow
Dancing is a certain way to get the blood pumping and the heart racing. We all know how long a wait for entry can be. Why not kill two birds with one stone and liven up the queue, whilst also not freezing to death? For even better results, find a partner to grind on for optimum temperature boosting.
Gorge on a Maccies
Instead of paying an extortionate amount for the cloakroom, you can use that money on some post-night-out food instead. It’s just pure economics; getting warm and satisfying your drunken hungriness. The more you eat, the warmer you’ll be. So devour a Big Mac to your heart’s content, we don’t want you catching a cold.
Become a warmth whore
You know those people who dress to go out like they’re in Ibiza during the summer, but are actually in damp Middle England during a near-hurricane? Don’t pity them; learn from them. They cleverly spot their target, the ones who wore enough layers that they could die by suffocation-by-cotton, and latch onto their friends for life. Once they’ve entered the club, it’s hasta la vista – you lame coat wearing loser.
Become a VIP
This one may take a bit more cunning, but it is possible. Once you become a VIP, long queues and waiting for drinks become a thing of the past. Hello quick entry and private booths. The words ‘guestlist’ and ‘suite’ become immersed in your vocabulary. Whilst the peasants contract pneumonia outside, you accept yet another free bottle of Ciroc. Just another day at the office.
Disassociate from reality
Just detach completely from yourself. You’re no longer you, you’re not anybody. You can’t think or feel. There is no heat, there is no cold. Only nothingness.