SUSU goes BANKRUPT Following Massive Alcohol Gambling Binge

The Tab has learned today that SUSU has gone bankrupt following a spending an alcohol binge by this year’s Sabbatical team.

A spokesperson for the Union spoke to The Tab:

We’re always losing money every year, but normally the grant that the University gives us enough to just about keep afloat.

This year, things have been a little different, after the Sabbaticals withdrew over £1m of Union funding for a party last week.

SUSU is currently still open for the rest of term, but on returning next term the building will be closed for business. This means that students will have to venture to the premium Staff Social Centre cafes, and Twisted will not be coming out with any more twists.

We spoke to one of the Sabbatical team, who wished to remain anonymous:

It’s kind of become a ‘thing’ of tradition to steal from the Union. Pidgley did it last year and proved he could get away with it, so we thought – why  not give it a shot?

When questioned about the allegations of the money being spent on alcohol and gambling, they replied:

In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea to put all that money on red. But we work really hard and were elected by the student body, so no big deal right?

There has been a growing concern on campus that students in a position of power are not made to answer for their actions. It seems that this situation will be no different. Technically, every student is a member of the Student’s Union, and apparently this means that no single student can be sued – you have to sue everyone.

At this stage it is not clear what will happen to the incoming Sabbatical candidates in the summer, but unless the Union manages to scoop up the missing £1m from somewhere, chances are they’ll just have to go and get real jobs. We did see Sam Ling looking particularly upset earlier today.

The news has devastated numerous other student volunteers such as the team from the Wessex Scene. Those in the department had begun to see losing £5,000 per year on a failing publication as ‘normal’, but no more.