Sheffield is the unhappiest and least safe city in the UK

Who makes up these surveys anyway

A new 2017 survey has shown that Sheffield is apparently the unhappiest and least safe city in the UK.

The ‘Unbroken Britain’ survey by Provident (who?) has shown that Sheffield’s ratings for happiness and safety have fallen, leading it to rank the lowest of 30 major cities in the UK.

2017 has seen a dismal outcome for Sheffield as we ranked the lowest for many areas. The Steel City received a sad 6.56 for happiest city rating and a worrying 6.82 for safest city. Up-keep, trust, and politeness were also at a low. This is perhaps unsurprising considering recent news of local biting off her partner’s ear on a night out or a general tour of West Street on a Saturday night.

‘Do more of what makes you happy’

The survey measured intriguing aspects of city life, including: safety, friendliness, happiness, gossip, trust, politeness, area keep-up, and level of welcoming (subjective at the best of times). The results were formed with a simplistic, primary-school-esque structure – from the feedback of 100 local people as they rate their experience of each aspect out of 10.

Indeed, Sheffield has excelled in its lack of excellence. The Provident survey has noted: “all areas have dropped in perception, though this includes gossip, which is still below average.” Perhaps upping the rumour-spreading in-between lectures would put us on track for a full house.

It’s not all bad news though, we can just about maintain the North / South rivalry with the news of London ranking the lowest for friendliness and Oxford at the bottom for welcoming.