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What your favourite place to buy food on campus says about you

If you are walking around with some crisps from the vending machine, just know I’m judging you

Ok, let’s all be truthful now. Nobody really wants to spend money on campus but none of us can be bothered to make a packed lunch. Or maybe the thought of packing your lunch gives you unwanted flash backs of being at school school as it sure does for me.

But eventually, after hours of lectures and seminars, we get hungry. So, the question is, where are you going to go to buy food? After much research, I feel I’ve come to terms with what your choice in where you buy your food on campus means about you.

Boots or Spar

Let’s start with the obvious choices: Boots and Spar. Let’s be honest now, the only reason you’re getting food there is because its cheap, easy, and you have a seminar in five minutes, so you need something that doesn’t take up much time. Or does it? That’s right, you have fallen into a trap. Be aware because these two shops are absolutely the opposite of what you expected. The queue is longer than rock city’s queue on a Thursday night. Especially st 12pm when every other student on campus had the same idea of grabbing a quick meal deal.

Anyways, so here you are standing in front of the sandwich section and there are two options left: Falafel salad that has one falafel in it and looks dryer than the Sahara Desert or a cheese sandwich, but your lactose intolerant. It’s your choice, but either way your fudged. Anyone who shops here for lunch, I feel bad for you. Why haven’t you learnt from your mistakes already? I know your still hungry after that unfulfilling meal deal as well and you end up spending more money that day because at the end of your seminar your still ravenous and go for food in the canteen.


We know daddy’s money just came in and you’re ready to splurge otherwise, there is no other reason why you’re willing to spend £6 on an iced coffee. Or maybe you just like the aesthetic of walking up the stairs of Portland with a Starbucks cup in your hand.

But either way you are living the lavish lifestyle, there is no scrimping and saving in your books. You want to look good and will go to any expense for it. No reduced sandwiches from boots for you. Go for it queen, live it up but I will not be joining you. I have £2.50 in my bank account to last me until June so I’ll be living off the reduced section.

Vending machines

Girl, I have no words for you. You’re telling me that out of all the places on campus to food, you decided to get a packet of Bang Bang crisps from Monica Partridge’s vending machine. Oh, that’s right, its 7pm so everything’s closed, and you definitely did not intend to stay on campus this long.

Work caught up to you, didn’t it? When you last checked, the assignment wasn’t due for another week and you had time. But you double checked this morning and that due date is now looking a lot like tomorrow at 3pm. So, there you are, cramming with a packet of crisps and a Red Bull from the vending machine. Disappointing really, do better. If you get a stomach-ache the next day you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Monica Partridge mini cafe

Purchasing something from the mini cafe in Monny P can be a daunting experience as your voice whilst paying your food seems to echo through the entire building of students silently working. Don’t get too cocky though as whilst you aren’t intimated by being heard by literally every single person in the building, you’re also a little lazy. A five minute walk and you would be at Portland where there’s an abundance of options.

Ok but let’s think about it though, when have you ever gotten a sandwich, you actually liked from this case? By the time it’s 12pm, all the good things have gone. The cookies they sell are actually pretty good, but they always seems to be sold out every time you’re craving one. It’s like it wants to disappoint you.

Truly I can only think of two reasons why you would want to buy from the mini café. Either its 9am, you have a long lecture, and you know if you don’t munch on something quickly you won’t make it through. Or, you’re studying and your stomach is rumbling, loudly too but you have a booth, and you know damn well you’re not about to give it up for some food. Quick journey, quick food and you keep the booth.

Any library cafe

Ok Ms. Studious, you give the ‘must work through lunch’ vibes. Kind of love it for you though. You’re definitely the type to get feedback from an assignment and then re-write the whole thing. I know for a fact you get exclusively firsts. I know that you’re not stressing about when your assignment is due because you already finished it a month in advance.

You wake up for all your 9ams, even if you went out the night before and are mortally hungover. You don’t have to tell me twice, you are superior to us lot who can’t even get up for a 9am even when we didn’t go out the night before. Congratulations.

Portland Building canteen

You’re eating for satiety and not just munching. Whilst everyone else’s stomach rumbles in a seminar, you sit there thriving and full. Pop off queen. To be fair, you’re saving money as well by eating in the canteen. I wish I was as responsible as you and made enough time to get food from the canteen instead of eating a silly sandwich that barely fills me up. Plus, you get the chance to try the new restaurant that just opened and I’m jealous.

Related articles recommended by this author:

• From socialising to studying: We rated UoN’s cafes on the stuff that really matters

• What your Notts supermarket choice says about you

• Coffee shops in Nottingham every student needs to know about