The Ten Worst People To Have In An Exam
Many of you will have already finished, but spare a thought for the unlucky souls who are still doing exams….
Now many of you are probably reading this; your head throbbing, your throat gurging and your tummy rumbling…all the symptoms of your self-inflicted celebratory hangover. However, please spare a thought for those who are still stuck in this purgatory.
Still well immersed in revision, many of us are beginning to enjoy the delights of less-rammed Hallward and more laptop plug-in points, we love the Hallward being empty, but the same shit-heap we associate with revision lives with us.
The examination hall, being the main culprit, soon begins to show us the little annoyances that drive you up the walls of Pope C13.
So please, for those of you who are still revising away in your rooms for exams this week, try and make things as bearable as possible and avoid the following:
1. The Keeno Stresser
Before you’ve even got in the room, you spot her from a mile off.
She is sat on the floor, with the circumference of her notes around her: “OH MY GOD I AM STUFFED FOR THIS EXAM!!!!”. This is seriously grinding. Also, this is probably the most counter-productive thing to do before an exam, and doesn’t help any of us so please stop losing your shit.
We all know how keen you are with the additional reading, we all know you’re going to pass this exam with flying colours, so please leave us in peace to read our essay plans.
2. The Pen Clicker
The rhythm of some arsehole’s pen is beyond annoying. Just when I think that they have finished clicking, they start again. STOP CLICKING. STOP IT. This is supposed to be a silent examination, not a piece of minimalist music. Grr.
3. The Early Departer
Okay, we get it. You’ve finished the exam early, which implies that you’ve got a solid 75%. Whatever.
But could you be less arrogant when leaving the room please? No one cares that you have finished, so could you please quietly remove yourself from the room, instead of strutting out like you’re on America’s Next Top Model.
4. The Fidgeter
There’s nothing more annoying that the person in front of you changing position. At one point you thought that they had their legs in the air.
They struggle to get comfortable, shifting their chair willy-nilly, scraping the legs of the chair across the floor and disrupting you in the process.
5. The Triumphant Pen Slammer
We’ve all done it. We’ve all heard it. When the prick in front of you finishes writing, he slams his biro on the table loudly, almost an offering to the exam gods.
He subsequently looks around the room, to see if anyone else has noticed his achievements, under the pathetic pretence of stretching. The only person he locks eyes with is you, the poor soul who is still scribbling away. Please refrain, let us all suffer in peace.
6. The “More Paper” Girl
We all know that girl who extends her sweaty palm in the air, beckoning over the invigilator.
In shock, you turn your head to assess the situation: “Can I have more paper please?” The whisper, trascends as if she had bellowed the question, reminding you that you’re not writing enough. Great, thanks for reminding us. Just because you need more paper, doesn’t mean your work is any better than mine.
7. The Talker
Once in a blue moon, your coursemate turns to you, 3 rows in front of you and gives you a worried look: “Mate what question are you doing?”. You don’t respond. WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? We’re great mates but this is a bloody exam, you should’ve asked me before we went in, not now!
8. The Crier
Please, PLEASE stop crying.
Unless it’s really gone tits up for you, there’s no need to cry in this exam. Besides it’s only 50% of a 10 credit module, so chill your beans! Unless you completely ballsed up your coursework, this behaviour is not appropriate! It won’t get you any more marks, and it won’t get you extenuating cirumstances.
9. The Post-Exam Interrogator
There’s nothing more annoying than, immediately after your exam, being interrogated by the course nerd who wants to disect the exam.
“What did you do for Section C?”….”Oh my god I forgot the formula for Question 3!”…”Did you get 33.33% and 45.2% for Question 8?!?!”. When you don’t give them the answer they want, they glumly look you in the face and say “Oh….well, maybe you might be right? I dunno, don’t ask me.”
10. The Invigilator
Okay, so this isn’t really something that you can control, but there’s nothing scarier than that old invigilator with a power-complex. He feels the need to shout out the examination guidelines. Oh and he’s sat directly behind you:
So there you go, please spare us a thought in the future and keep your annoying habits to a low. Please, we’re begging you.