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Here are the best places you can cry on-campus on results day

Crying in the toilets is so 2018


Results day is looming: maybe you worked harder for those exams than you did for your A-Levels, maybe you forgot some of them were even happening, or maybe you decided to go out the night before a few of them – either way, today is going to be pretty shit.

For my fellow low-achievers who will definitely be surrounded by the annoying “omg I didn’t even revise and got 70%! Haha wtf”, here’s a handy list of top-rated on-campus locations to cry without looking like too much of a weirdo.

1. The SJ basement

It’s too loud down there to concentrate anyway, so chances are people will talk over the sound of you weeping and won’t notice you.

“I cried by the ancient history section when doing an assignment and nobody was around so I could let it all out” Lily, 3rd year.

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2. Abercromby Square

If you bawl your eyes out people will just think you’re a member of the weed smokers who congregate here 24/7. That or that you’ve got a bout of hayfever. Both good covers.

3. The Sphinx smoking area

People will be too busy clunking their cider glasses and smoking to see you crying, and fresh air really helps the annoying red blotchy face go down so you’ll be ready to re-join society in no time!

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4. The Victoria Building

It’s picturesque, quite hidden from main campus, and a mere 10 minute walk from Lidl so you can grab some baked goods to cheer you up after. You’re welcome.

5. The AJ

A quick solution to any last-minute unexpected disasters, the AJ has you back. On campus and easy to access, there’s nothing like a good cry with a long pint of lager to forget that terrible 2:2.

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6. The Crown Reception

The Crown reception ladies are famously kind and caring women. If mum’s too far away to give you a cuddle, there’s nothing these ladies won’t do to ease the pain of the crappy first semester grades you may or may not receive today. Tissues on hand and spare key cards for days. You’re going to need both after the messy night you’ve got planned at Heebies.

If all of these options seem too public for you and you’re just not ready to embrace your tearful aesthetic, head over to South Campus Teaching Hub and lock yourself in one of the private bathrooms and ignore this life-saving list. However, if you want to make the most of the facilities on-campus that you are indeed paying for, check these spots out!

Happy Results Day!