The scandalous stories of a Scouse cabby

The dearest and darkest stories of the local taxi cab drivers

A journey home from Concert Square is never dull – but your stories about your mate trying not to spew or your housemates all trying to scramble together the right change will never beat the stories these cabbies told us.  Contrary to popular belief – and any 699 driver – it isn’t the students in Liverpool who are causing the most trouble on their commute.

The one who refused a tempting offer

“I took these three girls, one was going to Bootle, two were going to Aigburth. I dropped the first one and as I was going past Sefton Park the girls said, ‘oh we don’t have any money’ and I said ‘yeah okay cool’. And then she said like, ‘is it alright if we show you one of our tits?’’

‘…one of our tits?’

“There’s a few like that. I picked a woman up from town and she lived on my street. She was only in the car two minutes and she said ‘What would you rather be doing? Driving round or night or coming back to mine to flick me bean?’ I said, ‘I’m not being funny love, you live on my street, don’t you think it’s gonna be a bit funny me standing on my stairs with my wife and three girls and you walk past?’ She got angry and stormed in her own house. Two days later I was standing on my steps and I said to my wife ‘there’s that woman’ and she hurried past all red in the face like.”

The one who is a stirrer

“Oh no I make them cry. I just stir it up the hornets’ nest. Couples are the best, because always one of them’s gonna go to an offy – right? When they get back in, I just go ‘Listen, he’s just said if it wasn’t for you he could have been out with his mates, but you spoilt his fuckin’ night.’ And it’s just BANG, one’s getting slapped. It just works out boss.'”

Trouble in paradise

The one who got his own back

“I had a lad going from town to Childwall who needed to go to a bank. The fare was only £7, and he shouted ‘I’m going the bank round the corner’, but I knew there wasn’t one there and I’d seen his brand new iPhone sitting in the back. I said go on lad! Sound! So he ran for £7 and I sold his iPhone that night for £100.”

The one who knows best

“I hate it most when people try to give me directions. At the end of the day, I’m the cabby. I know the best part of the city. Especially students who have been here for a couple of days and they think they know what way to go.”

When freshers think they know the quickest way home

The one whose heart is in the right place

“I’ll be honest with you now, if it’s lads with no money they can walk, but I’ve got three daughters. If a girl comes to me and says ‘Look I’ve got no money, can you take me home and come back tomorrow to collect the cash’ I’ll take her home. I wouldn’t want my girls walking at 2… 3am. I’d rather the cabby do what I do. I couldn’t live with myself.”

“But you students are our bread and butter’