A concise breakdown of every type of Fresher you will meet at Lincoln
We all regret meeting the Rugby boy
Freshers is a confusing time – moving to a new city full of new people and living and studying with people you don’t know can be stressful. Luckily, we have made a comprehensive guide to every type of fresher you’ll meet in Lincoln, so you can be aware of who you’ll be meeting and dealing with.
The Lincoln Lad
Strangely obsessed with ‘the boys’ (who he only met for the first time last week), the Lad is a staple of any university. The Lincoln Lad likely lives in Courts or Cygnet and uses living on campus as a reason for you to stay over at his despite having a 9 am the next morning. From the first week, his sole purpose is pulling, and haunts Union and Bull for this purpose (if he doesn’t pull on a night out it’s a ‘dead night’).
Studies a business-related degree because he loves The Wolf of Wall Street and is determined to get on the football team (he could have gone pro if it wasn’t for his knee injury). He will always be seen wearing his sports kit no matter the weather, does he wash it? Doubt it.
The Edgy One
The Edgy one is split into two subdivisions: the genuinely edgy one and the one who thinks they’re edgy. The genuinely edgy one studies art or architecture, shops exclusively on Depop, and blares obscure bands you’ve never heard of from their room, whilst being a key member of an equally ‘edgy’ society, probably the Indie society if we’re being honest. They are too cool for you and prove this by never going to Quack and hanging around cool bars and café’s near the cathedral.
The one who thinks they’re edgy genuinely believes that smoking roll-ups is a personality trait and that everyone admires them for putting on an obscure indie song at pres when it’s really just The 1975. Stop trying to be cool and get ABBA back on.
The Rugby Boy
Similar to the Lincoln Lad, he only came to uni so he could be in a rugby team. Rugby is the one true love of the rugby boy, but he will still somehow pull whilst wearing fancy dress at Quack (will pull either an unsuspecting innocent fresher or one of his teammates). Wears a tie on a night out unironically and thinks that ‘I play Rugby by the way’ is a chat-up line, (it’s not).
His self-esteem is entirely dependent on his ability to down 10 VK’s and the approval of his older teammates. No one knows what degree he studies because rugby always comes first and you can’t get in a word to ask, because all the Rugby Boy talks about is Rugby.
The Actual Adult
While the rest of us turn up to our first lecture hungover and with no clue where or who we are, the Actual Adult has done all the reading before they even stepped foot in Lincoln and unpacked their bags. Not just for the week, for at least the first semester, most likely for the year, and they’ll make sure you know how much work they’ve put in.
The Adult simultaneously juggles being a course rep, a key member of multiple societies, a first-class student, and a loving partner to their boyfriend or girlfriend of many years, who they either live with or visit every weekend in their family car. Either smug and annoying or so sweet it’s impossible to resent them, which in turn makes you resent them more. We all aspire to be the Actual Adult, but let’s be honest, we won’t.
Whether or not the Influencer is officially an influencer or just aspires to be one, this fresher has it sorted. They turn up to a 9 am in a fully planned neutral coloured outfit holding a bag stocked with a Macbook and the latest iPhone. The girl Influencer bases her whole look and personality on Molly-Mae, whilst the boy Influencer posts thirst traps on Tiktok.
The Influencer can be found anywhere that sells cocktails and was slightly too excited than the average person when the Botanist was built in Lincoln, on the basis that it will provide the best Instagram pics for their thousands of followers.
The Fresher that’s a bit too in love with Lincoln
The Fresher can be spotted from a mile away, on account of all the Uni of Lincoln Merchandise they wear. They are far too attached to their free Lincoln hoody (which they wore months before starting uni) and wear a lanyard around campus for an embarrassing length of time. Inevitably takes it too far every time they consume a drop of alcohol. Strangely obsessed with the swans. Does not leave campus and attends every student’s union activity they can. Only eats at the Swan and Tower Bar (mainly surviving on a diet of curly fries).
Everybody has their own uni mum, but if yours doesn’t drive you to Morrison’s to do a food shop, you need to rethink it all. Whether on your course or in your flat, the Mum is undoubtedly the best type of Fresher. From the first week, the Mum takes on the responsibility of being a chef, cleaner, driver, and organiser. They seamlessly plan outings, nights out, and group projects all whilst cooking a meal in her dressing gown.
Like a real middle-aged woman, the Mum gets drunk exclusively on wine and gin but never gets so drunk that she can’t look after her brood who all get drunk on 2 VK’s. Will often stay in rather than going out, but when she does ‘let her hair down’ either gets absolutely paralytic or has to pick her friends up from the floor.
The Ghost is an enigma but almost every fresher will have one: the flatmate or coursemate who is seen once and then never again, and then randomly pops up in a club pic with the Bull. The Ghost might be seen in the first week unpacking their things, or maybe they will even join in with flat pres for the first month. The ghost might even be a coursemate who shows up for Welcome Week. The Ghost then disappears. Do they leave their room at night? Have they dropped out? Nobody knows. The Ghost does any course and lives in any accommodation.