Which Star Wars Film are you based on your college?

May the fourth be with you

It had to be done. Star Wars day means the colleges on campus are going to be determined by what film in the Star Wars saga they are, and we’ve got the list to prove it. Here’s the definitive (and sometimes brutal) list of Star Wars films as colleges.

Today is the day for all the Star Wars content. May the fourth be with you.

Furness – Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

Furness students try hard, but sometimes come up short, much like the film. Don’t get me wrong, Furness is lovely! Yet, it sometimes doesn’t have that same level of spark that other colleges seem to have. It’s a college that’s got that “the weird cousin is coming to visit” feel – you’re intrigued, but at the same time you may want to have some coffee and be on your toes so you know when it’s over.

Bowland – Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

I can only explain Bowland by referencing reviewa of this film: A mess. It’s got a pointless tower, unknown students living there – how many people have you seen going into Tower? 10? We’ve heard the same amount of people call this a good film. Again, it tries as best it can but after a while, it’s just… There?

It’s all over the north campus – did you know that there are Bowland students above Subway? Then it’s across from County? The different Bowland buildings may have a distinctive palette, but they have a snobby air about being the first college, thinking they’re by far the best. Episode VII is meant to be about looking to the past, admitting mistakes, and moving on, but has Bowland done that? We doubt it…

Pendle – Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Total mess of a film, total mess of a college. You think there’s a good vibe and dream of it, then you realise it’s 75 per cent dead the whole time. It reminds us of the Galactic Senate – a circus with freaky reps.

There’s going to be that whiny irritable kid who’s come to uni too early and thinks the campus is his hunting ground and the girl who’s painfully wooden and uninteresting here. If you haven’t met them yet, you’re probably them – sorry.

It may be a step up from Bowland and have a cracking Witch logo (not to mention it’s right by one of the best bars on campus – Grizedale) but it’s still one of the worst colleges.

Graduate – Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Grad looks like a real college, and it does introduce postgrads to the undergrads, but it also introduces a pointless bar (like how The Force Awakens introduced General Hux). It’s a remake of Lonsdale but not as good. Like Peter Jackson and George Lucas’ attempts in this film, at least Grad College tries hard.

Cartmel – Episode I: The Phantom Menace

You walk for what feels like a decade and a half (the same time it took for this to come out) to find it, feeling pumped at the prospect of Cartmel. Then you get there, and you’re sent into a coma at a college that feels like it’s intended for the Home Office.

There’s always the obnoxious little kid with anger issues living there that you just know is going to turn into Darth Vader, and no amount of stiff looking parties will change them.

Also, two words: Jar-Jar Binks. That’s Cartmel in a nutshell. Talk about a disturbance in the Force.

Lonsdale – Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

The final of the original trilogy, but as a college, it doesn’t have the same level of grandeur as others like County or Grizedale. Just like Episode VI, it’s flawed but has strength in numbers. It kind of has the same vibes as Jabba’s Palace, a little bit out of the way and pointless, but if you squint hard enough, it’s kind of iconic.

If Lonnie doesn’t go the way of the remastered version, with the awful, redeemed Hayden Christensen, they should stay in the top four on this list.

County – Episode VI: A New Hope

The OG college to many, but it’s time we looked at the cold, hard truth. The people are hit-and-miss and really is a B grade college with predictable bust-ups of parties by security every weekend. However, it’s hard not to get caught up in the County hype. I mean come on: the ducks are right there! Not to mention the townhouses in all their glory are massive and a great showpiece for the posh kids.

Like Episode VI, County makes do with what little it has during lockdown and it shows. People keep flocking to County in droves for the very reason. It can be a little clunky as a college, but it’s not hard to see why it’s such a formative experience for students. If County is a part of your life, like Episode VI, it doesn’t leave you.

Grizedale – Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Honestly, we went back and forth on this one a while, but its iconic status makes up for it being the less-established version of County, just like Episode III. Grizedale is less angsty than Revenge of the Sith if you know the right townhouse to go to. It has a little bit of a weird reputation college simply because it’s got a couple of shady students, but it can be a pretty good place to hang out if you know where to look.

Grizedale students may have had their moral compass shifted, but at least they haven’t killed a bunch of kids for the Dark Side. It’s also got the independent woman who knows she’s got to give up on her man when he turns ugly. Don’t believe me? Go to the Bar on a Friday night at closing and watch the romances blow up. You’ll see what I mean.

Fylde – Episode V: Empire Strikes Back

Empire Strikes Back has the best dialogue, deepest characterisation, best individual moments, and most compelling story of the lot, so it’s easy to see its comparisons to underdog Fylde. Fylde itself has some great plot twists in terms of chill vibes and friendly members.

You wouldn’t expect it to have character and memorable bits as a college, given people’s initial opinions of it being a mediocre college (much like the film was when it was released), but with time it’s aged like a fine wine and has some deep roots in Lancs uni.

Related articles recommended by this writer

26 Star Wars moments that every Lancs student can relate to

What I missed about Lancaster when I was away during quarantine

‘The financial position of the Union is dire’: LUSU President responds to Sugar rumours