26 Star Wars moments all Lancs students can relate to
I find your lack of faith in my ability to pass my exams disturbing
It’s Star Wars day, which also means we’re so close to exams that we’ve either got no time to watch nine films (plus four TV shows, seriously, I’ve seen townhouse parties with fewer people than there is Star Wars content) or we have all the time in the world whilst we procrastinate. No matter what you’re doing this May 4th, here are 26 classic quotes from the films that you’ll no doubt relate to if you’re a Lancs student.
‘It’s a trap!’ – Admiral Ackbar, Return of the Jedi
The 100 bus is a cruel trick designed to deceive students and make them late for everything that is sacred. Avoid it like the plague.
‘Do. Or do not. There is not try’ – Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
Circuit Laundry is either going to work perfectly, or it’ll eat your money, ruin your clothes, and then insist that it’s all your fault. I bet the Jedi never had to deal with this.
‘Page turners, they were not’ – Yoda, The Last Jedi
Your tutor asks you what you thought of the eighty pages of reading they set three days ago. You spew some nonsense about interpretations and analyses. They definitely know you didn’t read it, but hey, who can blame you?
‘The ability to speak does not make you intelligent’ – Qui-Gon Jinn, The Phantom Menance
To be said to the person in your seminar who’s played devil’s advocate for the third time in an hour. We’re all tired, Jack. We’re all so tired.
‘You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy’ – Obi-Wan Kenobi, A New Hope
Whenever you have to walk past Bowland Tower and thank the accommodation team for keeping you away from it in your first year.
‘Never tell me the odds’ – Han Solo, The Empire Strikes Back
Said after your mate reminds you that 2-4-5 VKs isn’t a thing anymore. You bet you could be the one to convince them to bring it back. It can’t be that hard, right? Right?
‘Your focus determines your reality’ – Qui-Gon Jinn, The Phantom Menace
Perhaps writing an essay the night before the deadline is a bad idea, but what’s life if not for living? With enough energy drinks, lo-fi beats, and a little bit of luck, you might just write a masterpiece. (Though someone did once say: “In my experience, there’s no such thing as luck.”)
‘Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong’ – Luke Skywalker, The Last Jedi
Waking up in the morning with a banging headache and reading over the essay you panic-wrote the night before. Obi-Wan was right; there is no such thing as luck, the universe is out to get you, and you are failing your degree.
‘The garbage will do’ – Rey, Rise of Skywalker
Well, we can’t all be Aristotle. It’s only worth like half your grade, it’ll have to do.
‘Power! Unlimited power!’ – Darth Sidious, Revenge of the Sith.
The ducks, one day soon, when they realise that they could take over the whole uni. Probably.
‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’ – Everyone, all the time
Ahhh, exam season!
‘You’re my only hope’ – Leia Organa, A New Hope
All of us, staring at the 21st of June on our calendars with starry eyes. If you gave us the choice between zipping around space with Luke and the gang or queuing up outside Sugar, I bet you could guess what we’d choose. (Baby Yoda doesn’t really hold up next to Whoops Wednesday, does he?)
‘My disappointment in your performance cannot be overstated’ – Supreme Leader Snoke, The Last Jedi
Your flatmate to you when you wake up and have to be told that you were put to bed the night before. To be fair, your disappointment in your own performance cannot be overstated as well. Do you have any paracetamol?
‘I’m one with the Force. The Force is with me’ – Chirrut Îmwe, Rogue One
To be said as you wobble your way into Sultans at the end of a night out, hoping you can stay upright for long enough to order a cheesy curly fries and carry it back home.
‘This is getting out of hand, now there are two of them!’ – Nute Gunray, The Phantom Menace
When another confessions page appears on Facebook. How are we meant to keep up with them all? Why do we need so many? Who is actually submitting these confessions and why are they all about the library?
‘Are you an angel?’ – Anakin Skywalker, The Phantom Menace
To be said to Sal from Sultans when he gives you free chips at the end of your night out. Truly, Sultans is – and will always be – the one constant in the life of a Lancs student, and we couldn’t be happier.
‘Send no reply’ – Obi-Wan Kenobi, The Phantom Menace
Your lecturer, apparently, when you email them about the exam and never hear back. Thanks! I hate it.
‘I want to go home and rethink my life’ – Elan Sel’Sabagno, Attack of the Clones
Every time you finish a seminar where you sat and stared at the screen in wonder as all your mates said smart and insightful things.
‘A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one’ – Chancellor Palpatine, The Phantom Menace
When a new flock of ducklings arrive on campus. I’d take a duck chasing me down the North Spine over a porg any day.
‘I’m in agony’ – Anakin Skywalker, Attack of the Clones
You, every time you get to the parcel collection centre in Edward Roberts Court, only to realise that it’s closed and you’ll have to wait another day to pick up your ASOS parcel. Will we ever learn?
‘I love democracy’ – Chancellor Palpatine, Attack of the Clones
When your house votes for someone to clean out the microwave and it’s not you. This could be an I am the senate moment, but you don’t let on that you’ve sneakily influenced the rest of the house’s votes. That’s what makes a good leader, after all.
‘Is it possible to learn this power?’ – Anakin Skywalker, Revenge of the Sith
Hearing about people who wrote their diss in one night and still got a 2:1 when you’ve been working for months and barely scraping a pass. Teach me your power, people. Please.
‘My powers have doubled since the last time we met’ – Anakin Skywalker, Revenge of the Sith
Finally getting back to the clubs this summer with hours of Zoom drinking nights to serve as training. That one bouncer who kicked you out of Glow in 2019 is going to be mind blown.
‘You have become the very thing you swore to destroy’ – Obi-Wan Kenobi, Revenge of the Sith
To be said to yourself as you nick your flatmate’s colander only days after you had a go at them for using your cheese grater.
‘I can’t watch any more’ – Obi-Wan Kenobi, Revenge of the Sith
Snapping shut your laptop after your third online lecture of the day. That two x speed button was alright for the first couple of weeks, but they should really think about releasing a three x version.
Whether Binary Sunset is your revision music of choice, or you’re rewatching Revenge of the Sith for the seventieth time just to feel something, happy Star Wars day, and may the Force be with you.