These are the 10 things in an Edi student flat that just make sense
Number one being a mouse
Edinburgh flats have a unique vibe. Uniquely cosy but also chaotic, you’ve got to love it. Don’t get me wrong, the huge windows, stunning views and high ceilings are lovely, but are you willing to live with a small colony of mice and windows which just prevent your flat from being warm because they are one wind gust away from caving in?
If you are willing, you’ve passed the Edinburgh Uni vibe check. Congratulations. So let’s go through those 10 things that just make an Edinburgh flat a second home, strap in.
1. Grafitti on the front door
Just a wee taste of the chaos that you’re no doubt about to walk into. It’s the perfect introduction to a student house – slightly grim but also just funny. At least any damage done to it won’t be that noticeable because people will be too focused on the probable gang symbol attached to your address.
2. A buzzer with some kind of problem
“Yeah, I’m outside now. I’ve tried pressing the button, but it doesn’t even move when I press it. Can you open the door? I’m pushing it but it’s not opening. Well, what do you want me to do? Scale the building? Can you just come and get me? Okay. Just hurry up.” Enough said.
3. Empty glass bottles and cans of alcohol as decoration
John Lewis might have an Aerloom Royal Corgi Bauble for £50 up for grabs, but do they offer an exquisite display of empty Tennent’s cans from four months ago? Didn’t think so. What else are we supposed to do with them? Put them in the bin? Don’t be silly that would just be wasteful.
4. Mice and/or black mould
Most of us in Edinburgh have some flatmate which quite frankly did not sign the tenancy and their moving in is just quite rude. They just get bolder every year: sitting on chairs, chilling on the kitchen floor nomming on some crumbs, running around inside walls at 3am, watching you working at your desk in the middle of the day. What next? Helping you type your essay?
Let’s not forget the sprinkle of mould on your ceilings – the cherry on the cake. If you don’t get the plague from some mice you’ll be ill from inhaling all that dirty air.
5. A door which leads to a bookcase
I always get so excited when I see one of these because I expect a secret passageway to Subway or Gari’s or something. But usually, when you open the door it’s just a bunch of shelves with random items that don’t belong anywhere else in the flat.
Fun fact, these are actually called an Edinburgh Press and used to be used as doorways for builder access.
6. Fairy or LED lights
Normal lighting is just not the one. If you can’t make the entire kitchen green then you’re really missing out, because there is nothing quite like feeling as though you’re in an alien spaceship when you’re making dinner.
7. Dangerously poorly lit stairs leading up to the flat
If you don’t live in fear that someone is following you up your stairs every time you walk up to your flat I’m jealous. If you can even run up your stairs I’m jealous because so many stairs in Edinburgh are so dark you can’t see where they are and half of the bannister is falling off so the chances of falling down them are incredibly high.
8. Overflowing shoe and coat racks
With 40 pairs of Air Force 1s in one hallway, it’s bound to get a bit crowded. Add all those North Faces into the mix and soon your coatrack will be so voluminous that you won’t even be able to walk through your hallway.
9. A sink full of dishes from three months ago
At this point some of the plates are just an extension of the sink itself – they’ve been there that long. You’ve started to use kitchen towels as plates because it means that you don’t have to wash up and straining your pasta outside in the garden is starting to look like a possibility because adding any more water to your sink would cause a tsunami.
10. Windows as thin as paper
If someone so much as breathes outside, you can probably hear it, even if your tenancy promised that your windows are double glazed, bulletproof and soundproof. You can kiss any heat that your heater makes goodbye because it just escapes through all the gaps in the windows.