All the people you see in lectures

If you’re reading this, you’re probably the Facebooker

As the non-compulsory part of uni study, it’s rather surprising to see lecture halls fill up even for those 9ams. But who is actually taking anything in? Who really wants to be there? Here’s your guide to everyone you’ll see in your lectures.

The napper

10 minutes in…

9ams and Klute are never an ideal combination, but when the sesh calls nothing can be done.

Showing up to a 9am after a night out is almost just to prove that you can, and for the first ten minutes you tell yourself this isn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Until your eyes close for a bit too long to justify it as a blink, and before you know it you’re waking up feeling slightly groggy as everyone is leaving the theatre…  In every lecture you attend. Ah well, you tell yourself, tomorrow will be different.

And if not, extra sleep is always helpful.

The Facebooker

These people usually account for around half of all in lectures. Multiple tabs will be open on their laptop- it’s touch and go whether one actually contains work. But the most frequently visited will be Facebook, a bored students last resort.

Lectures flash by in seconds once you get down to some serious stalking of your old best friends’ brothers new girlfriends mum. Not to mention browsing through photos back from when you were 12, who doesn’t love good old high school pictures? Oh, to be carefree again.

The online shopper

When the 5 dresses you’ve found in the sale are all sold out so you have to focus on the lecture instead

It’ll be the panic buying for a formal tomorrow, or a surf of Asos for yet another dress, because you can never have too many right?

Endless entertainment is provided for all behind this person, flicking through pages of clothing on every shopping website known to man. Not least to see how much they can manage to spend in an hour.

The cool kids at the back

Way too cool to be here

They probably stroll in late, without a care in the world, trudge all the way up to the back row, one-strapping their rucksack only to fling it down to make sure everyone knows that they have arrived, and are now here.

Then they’ll whip out their phones, message everyone under the sun back, and after that probably have around ten minutes to spare to focus on the lecture. But by then, what’s the point? So they’ll leave early, slamming the door in their wake. The power points are online anyway, why bother showing up in the flesh??

The note taker

Arriving 5 minutes before the 9am to get the prime seats

The ideal person to be friends with. Or quite frankly to be. Every day you sit in your lectures and admire their 4th page of notes, trying to copy the odd word you recognise. You internally praise their self determination to note down the entire contents that spill out of the lecturer’s mouth, in doing so missing the past 5 minutes of what’s going on. You build a story of how perfect their lives must be for them to be so on the ball in lectures, so much so, that you start to become more invested in them than what you actually came here to study.

Without fail they’ll be in attendance. You can’t even catch them out at a guest lecture- apparently even those are noteworthy, literally.

Despite your awe at their spirit and passion for the subject, you can’t quite bring yourself to invest that much effort, so inevitably, you resort to asking occasionally for the odd page of notes.

The DU player

The dedication to the stash is amazing. Day in day out, you see those DUWP trackies grace the lecture theatre alongside the palatinate purple jacket, a hockey stick, a badminton racket and a helmet. Just to show they aren’t a one trick pony, thank you very much. Sporty people like these usually show up a few minutes late to emphasise that their life is at peak business, and that they’ve had 2 training sessions before you even thought about waking up that morning. But inevitably they show up to every lecture, and at the end of the day will probably get twice the grade you do.

The keen bean

Usually found in the first few rows, and on hand and willing to take one for the team and answer any questions that arise during the hour. Not to be mistaken for the classic note-taker, the keen bean goes above and beyond, exchanging questions and even sometimes small talk before and after the lectures, as if the lecture content isn’t enough food for thought. Lecturers might be seen wincing upon their approach, knowing they won’t be let go for at least another 10 minutes.

But it saves you answering questions, so you remain ever grateful for those who actually care.

And then there are the ones you don’t see. Those people who show up for tutorials and the odd exam who are completely new faces. The ones who take the words ‘non-compulsory’ and roll with them.

The heroes of the system. Because who needs lectures when the slides are online??