6 things in Durham I’m glad aren’t bees

Because it would cause untold problems if they were bees…


Elvet Riverside

Imagine waking up bright and early for a 9am on Chekhov only to find that your beloved lecture halls have been transformed into bees, and you can’t even hear the lecturer over all the buzzing – oh wait, he’s not there. It’s just bees. Angry, loud bees.

This would bee a nightmare


Paying four pounds for any drink in Durham can often feel like you’re being stung, but imagine your chagrin when you hand over the money in exchange for a glass of disgusting, undrinkable bees. Except the glass isn’t there. Because it’s bees.

£4.80? For bees? Who wants to drink bees?

The River Wear

I love rowing. Gets you out of bed, keeps you in shape, and they have such fantastic chat. But what if you had to row on bees? Can you float on bees? Who knows? Not me.

Lloyds Wednesday

Lloyds Wednesdays are bad enough – the queues are inexplicably long at the bar, the floor is sticky and you’re surrounded by shit-munchers just waiting to lose their minds when “Mr Brightside” comes on – but imagine how much worse bees would be in this situation.

No dance floor, no Mr Brightside, just horrifyingly painful stings everywhere – disgruntled students torn to pieces by a conglomerate of black and yellow pricks (and I’m not talking about Mildert).

Those guys are buzzing. Because they’re bees.

The Tab

Some of you may dislike our new site design but imagine how much worse it would be if it were just bees. No articles, no pictures, just bees. You’d go to procrastinate from essays for a bit and suddenly there would be bees everywhere. This would be especially problematic in the library

Well, shit


Because you probably wouldn’t have even got into Durham if your A Level grades were all bees, would you?