Why I hate couples

Flo’s back and this Valentine’s day she’s telling you why you should keep the fact you’re in a relationship to yourself.

I’ve been single so long that the last time I had a boyfriend most freshers probably hadn’t started puberty yet. As the weeks and months pass, a growing feeling of bitter unsympathetic annoyance is growing inside of me. University is a place to be single people, it’s a place to experience what free love was like, it’s the closest to Woodstock we’re going to get.

I don’t care if you’re in love break up now.

Stupid couply people

It’s just that couples are less fun. Obviously I’m over the moon when one of my friends ‘has the conversation’ but a part of me mourns them.

Relationships take time, all that non-spontaneous sex and talking and not going out. Or if they do go out, they’ll go home at 12 30 because then they can have sex and be asleep by two, pillow talk and everything. Try that time scale in Klute.

Excellent Klute technique

Ok, so, I do realise that true love exists and you can’t get in the way of that stuff, but at least keep it to yourself.

The other day in the Chemistry Cafe (needs more tables) as I was enjoying my distinctly average Panini (why don’t they do ham and cheese?), I had to stop myself from gagging as a couple were publicly making out for all to see, so instead I took photos.

Hands off each other, sit down and eat your mediocre panini.

If you have to be in a relationship, which may be necessary for the continuation of the human race, please keep it to yourself. Or if you have to flaunt it do it in the night time. Don’t make me gag on my pepperoni, bacon and pizza sauce panini that I wish was just ham and cheese.


I had a boyfriend once, and was guilty of most of these sins; I went home early and sometimes didn’t even go out at all. I even got wet in Castle bar once… no literally I made out in there so someone poured water on me. It was humiliating.

So I sympathise, but this Valentine’s Day spare a thought happy people, for the singletons, those who are content taking what they can get in Klute, and those who wish for greener pastures of commitment. Don’t rub it everyone’s face just because your happy.