So, you forgot to get your friend a Bridgemas present

What do you do now??

You wake up on Bridgemas day, slightly hungover from Friday Night Life but still filled with festive spirit, and scamper down to Plodge to get your weekly disappointment over an empty pidge out of the way. But what is this?

A small parcel, meticulously wrapped and tied together with twine – it’s more Pinterest that way – sits in your pidge. “For, _____” the note on it reads, “Merry Bridgemas! Love, Your Wonderfully Considerate Friend Who Is Far More Put Together Than You And Actually Remembered To Get You Something.” Okay, so it probably doesn’t say that last bit – but it should. Because, unfortunately, you are a mess who did forget.

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DON'T PANIC

Realistically, it shouldn’t be that hard. They’ve managed to get you a meaningful and practical gift, something that they’ve evidently put a lot of thought into and picked out especially for you. You have done approximately none of those things. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t. Sit down and start thinking. What can you give them that really conveys how much you respect and value their friendship and will also not blow your budget of £3.57?

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How to make seem like you spent more than ten minutes finding a present

Try making a mind map of ideas, consulting an Ouija board, or deep stalking their social media. Find out exactly what they were doing on Facebook on the 10th of January 2012, check their Instagram to see what they ate at Nando’s that one time back in Year Ten and how they #felt #about #it, browse through all their tagged photos until you end up on Jenny-from-pottery-camp’s photos of her 2011 trip to Marbella with the fam.

Anyone know where to find a bassoon last minute???? Asking for a friend x

Once you have acquired sufficient knowledge, collate your data (preferably into an Excel spreadsheet) and analyse it. Does this information at all help you? Probably not, and you now only have 3 hours (minus the time you also wasted reading this article) left to find the Perfect, Most Thoughtful gift your friend has ever received. Worry not, my dear, for I have here a list of non-generic last-minute gift ideas so terrible you can just pretend they’re ironic:

An advent calendar. This one is highly versatile. They can either pretend it was for Bridgemas and eat all the chocolate in one go, OR use it for actual Christmas. Multipurpose (and delicious) af.

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Your friend, too, could feel such happiness when you give them your half- opened advent calendar

A pack of tissues. Now this is a special occasion, so obviously splash out on a three-ply Kleenex pack (upgrade to the scented ones if you’re feeling particularly generous). These are absolutely the most practical thing you could ever get them – majority of people are getting sick again, so you’re essentially saving them from the panic of attempting to conceal a suddenly runny nose.

More importantly, when you give it to them, tears of gratitude will probably well up in their eyes and they’ll need one on the spot, thus validating a) their usefulness and b) your capacity to be an excellent friend.

Pasta. Scavenge around in your cupboard for a packet. If it’s already open, that’s even better: you can cook them some and capitalise on the whole ‘made with love’ trope while simultaneously getting lunch out of the way. Just make sure you’re not giving them Sainsbury’s basics. (Have some shame.)

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A student in paradise

A lottery ticket. If they win, you’ve single-handedly given them the gift of financial security and if they don’t, you could have single-handedly given them the gift of financial security. Either way, it’s a great present because it’s the sentiment behind it that matters, right?

Yourself. Roll some festive wrapping paper around you, stick a bow on your head and hop over to their door. Truly, the gift of friendship is the most important one of all.

Anyways, I just saved Bridgemas AND your friendship, so you’re welcome. I’d start shopping for next year now though.

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