The General Election summed up in ten songs
Theresa May and Beyonce have more in common than you think
Too busy with exams to follow the election? Bored of tedious politics? Here is the whole snap-election summed up in ten tunes.
1 The snap-election
Theresa May sure is “living in the 21st century, doing something mean to it”. Our girl called this election to get that extra POWER to go deal with Juncker and co. She had hoped for battle cries and tribal drums as she Amazonianly charged into Brussels, but this was not the Brexit-election she’d hoped for.
2 Diane Abbot’s interview
The Thick of It moments have been numerous, each one more cringe-worthy than the last. Top prize has got to go to Diane Abbot’s LBC interview which felt 3000000 hours long as she writhed under the bemused interviewer’s questions about police-funding.
3 May doesn’t wanna chat
The British public experienced the equivalent of planning a romantic night in, cooking a delicious lasagna and strewing rose-petals on the bed only to be stood up time and time again by a dismissive lover. Explain how attending live-broadcast mass-viewed TV debates does not classify as campaigning Theresa darling?? Farron was right, Bake-off will love me better.
4 Corbyn’s electoral healing
That old dog Jezza had a lot more in him than the suit reveals! His clear message of no tuition fees, higher minimum wage and elderly care has struck a chord with the public, who are probably a bit tired of repetitive diabolic chants of “AUS-TER-IT-Y” from the right-field.
5 May’s fall from grace
Stoic, snake-like and mindbogglingly boring. Sound like everything you would want in a Prime Minister? Apparently not. May’s personal ratings were sky-high leading up to the election but she appears fidgety on TV and running a presidential-style election with her taking centre stage has backfired massively. Nobody said it was easy.
6 U-turns galore
Carrie Underwood eerily captures the distress of the Conservatives when the usually old-people friendly party made a U-turn into an O-turn on how easy it’d be for old people to comfortably retire to care without selling their house. Trust them to forget about it when they hit the voting booths.
7 Manchester and London attacks
This election coincided with two tragic incidents which sadly shaped the political conversation. On the bright side the great freedom fighters of the century are now decisively ranked as: 1 Martin Luther King, 2 Nelson Mandela, 3 Ariana Grande.
8 Theresa May is naughty
Cameron shagged a pig, Corbyn was arrested at a demonstration, but they’ve got absolutely nothing on that naughty Theresa, who abandoned all reason in a glorious moment of rebellion by running through a wheat-field at some point in her (13th century??) youth.
9 Election night
Only Adele can capture the drama, the fire and the glory of election night. Fallen Tories staggered up on stage across the country whilst reporters shook their heads in bewilderment at the exit poll. The youth rocked up in numbers and completely changed the game.
10 Hung Parliament
Finally it became clear that May’s campaign really had put people off. A minority government and an uphill Brexit is on the cards in an all-round shit-show for the Tories.
Corbz on the other hand is looking pretty damn chuffed with himself, his eyebrows raised in that iconic cheeky grin. Let the fight continue, comrade.