We Demand the Right to Party

Cärlchen Jupp attacks CUSU’s decision not to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee.

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Sometimes, you forget just how completely out of touch student politicos are.

Then, suddenly, it slaps you in the face like a big wet fish; a fair-trade, politically correct fish, mind.

Last night, I had the audacity of taking a motion to what is laughingly called the Council of our student union, to suggest that we had some celebrations for the Jubilee year. It’s a diamond, remember – something that comes round after sixty years of a reign – and even given the advances of modern science, it’s unlikely that the organic-obsessed Prince Charles will rack up that long. So, it’s quite special, and it’s quite unusual, and pretty much everywhere else in the country is doing something.

Despite this, our beloved representatives (most of whom seem to represent Marx, rather than normal people) have decided on your behalf: the students of this university are making it a celebration-free zone. Don’t get me wrong, some of the council attendees are fine; the ones elected as JCR Presidents and so on seem pretty chilled, and get bored by the usual crap that is proposed by the local idiots. It’s the rest who come and wreak their havoc of weirdness on the rest of us that are the problem.

The Queen is due to celebrate her Diamond Jubilee on 5th June

Last night, I was told, quite forcefully by these prats, that celebrating the jubilee is elitist and against access and accessibility; and more ridiculously, their major argument seemed to be that the Daily Mail wouldn’t like us if we did it. Christ, that’s definitely something to base our decisions on, isn’t it? Whilst we’re at it, we should burn the gays and take away universal suffrage; oh no, hang on, that would be completely idiotic. Like many of our ‘representatives’…

Leaving aside the fact that our CUSU President has already attended the palace to celebrate the Jubilee, let’s just consider their ludicrous suggestions for a moment. Given that most of the country is celebrating the Jubilee, across all different kind of boundaries, their ideals to avoid elitism seem a bit stupid if they’re based on opposing what everyone else is doing.

The monarchy, whether you agree with it or not, seems to be pretty popular, and even most republicans would agree that celebrating a national event involving our head of state is a good idea. But not the puritan bores that think the best way to spend a Friday evening is to compete in the ‘dullard of the year’ competition at CUSU.

No – it would offend international students, of course; although I can’t imagine being offended if I were abroad and they celebrated a national event. No – it’s against access, because our intake all come from republican homes, obviously. No – it’s inaccessible; I don’t even know what that means in this context!

The fact is, they’re just a bunch of misery invoking, self-righteous, vanguard-of-the-proletariat, politically-correct obsessives who think they are saving the world.

My advice? Get a life, and get real. If you don’t want a party, then piss off. The rest of us do.

CORRECTED 5.56 PM, April 30th: The parenthesis in paragraph 6 ‘(and yet voted against the idea last night)’ was incorrect. It has been removed.