Why Women Are Bad At World Of Warcraft

Youtube sensation Mark Liu decides to find out why it is that women cannot possibly be treated as equals in World of Warcraft.

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This week, I made it my mission to work out why women are so terrible at World of Warcraft.

I’ll begin by explaining that my (female) editor doesn’t even know what WoW is, and so the following explanation is mainly for her benefit. WoW is an online role-playing game set in the fantasy world of Warcraft. It involves fighting bad monsters with a sword or axe, and often teaming up with other people who are also playing the game, to get gold or increase your character level.

All the women I have met in WoW are bad. But, they do tend to play support or healing classes instead of actually having any real responsibilities. I would say this is true for 92% of the female players I have met. They also spend a lot of time acting cute in the chat box, by using exclamation marks and annoying emoticons. Overall, they are just not respected in WoW.

After hours of soul searching (I was doing the quest: A Lost Soul), I finally came up with some reasons as to why this is the case. Firstly, I would say that it has something to do with the fact that women have uteruses. This tends to make them more nurturing than men. This is okay if the game is a Tamagotchi, but in WoW, you need to have the bold aggressive mindset that the male brain possesses.

Artwork by Mark Liu

Secondly, women tend to be timid about taking life, or destroying things. This is why you see so few female terrorists on the news. In Warcraft, such an attitude will get you killed. Then you will have to wait several minutes to respawn and take a slight hit to your gold and experience. This is really annoying for all involved. On the battlefield there is no room for whimpering hesitance.

Finally, I think the goals of women are slightly different to those of men. Some women are playing Wow for the social experience, specifically to meet a husband. One of my friends, Tagarth the Destroyer (or Susan as she is known is real life), has played for over 500 hours but has only reached level 68! She did, however, end up meeting her husband, Steve1001 (Joe), who proposed using a Ring of Sundered Souls. What a waste of valuable questing time. Although, the in-game wedding was really beautiful.

This husband-searching probably explains why women end up spamming in chat more often than men. Once I teamed up with one because I needed a healer and no one else was online at that time. I knew pretty quickly that I was playing with a girl because she started trying to act cute, using stupid emoticons that have no place in the gritty, fantasy setting of WoW, and she spent a lot of the time asking me a lot of questions about myself. This was really annoying, since I really wanted to finish the quest before my lecture. I ended up skipping that lecture.

To conclude, women tend to take a submissive role in the game and let the men do most of the work. I find this a bit weird, especially considering how many powerful women there are: like Hilary Clinton, or Captain Janeway from Star Trek Voyager.

Hopefully, in a few decades time, the Warcraft World will catch up with the real world and women will be seen and treated as equals.