Tom Davenport

Walking along Kings Parade on Sunday Morning, infamous Tab undercover reporter Tom Davenport literally bumped into Steve Jobs, CEO of iPods and iPhones.

Reacting with characteristic speed to this chance encounter, Davenport turned the high stress situation to his advantage. He masterfully invited Mr. Jobs into the nearby Café Nero for an impromptu coffee, biscuit, slice of cake, cup of tea and interview. Of course Jobs, an avid reader of The Tab, was quick to accept. It just so happened that he had been on his way to Peterborough, where he was going to reveal to the world the next generation of really useful iPhone Apps. Jobs agreed to reveal one exciting new iProduct which he had up his iSleeve exclusively to The Tab. Below is the text of the ground-breaking interview:

Davenport: Hi there Steve. Great to see you again. Vegas was a lot of fun – you were totally out of it mate!

Jobs: Hi Dav man. You are such an illustrious, honest and cunning undercover reporter whose articles I read religiously. The Tab is so great. I am Steve Jobs.

Davenport: OK, cheers Steve. Right. Lets cut the small talk. I and my 20,000,000 daily readers are just desperate to hear about this new iProduct. Nice iJacket by the way. So, lets hear about the iLocate App…

Jobs: OK, I’m, like, really excited about this one. Here is how it works. Man. So you know when, like, you are just chatting with an iFriend and they’re, like, for an iJoke, ‘so iFriend, like, what iCountry are we even in right now?’ And then you just have this massive iBrain freeze and you’re like ‘OH MY GOD I DON’T EVEN KNOW!’

Well, we sure know how to help you out. When you have iInstalled the iLocate App all you have to do is hit the i(iPhone) twice like really really hard; oh, and you don’t even have to take it out of your iPants. Just wait a minute and relax; the iLocate will totally work out where you are and then like shout it in your iAccent. So your friend totally thinks it is you. How cool is that!

Davenport: Wow, Steve, that sounds pretty damn useful. I would actually buy a whole new phone just to do that. Thanks a lot for that amazing interview. You gave The Tab its third world-exclusive this week. That’s a pretty big deal.