Here’s everything we know about the phantom shitter of Unite House

Turns out there are worse things than leaving a plate out for a couple of days

As far as the internet rumour mill goes, phantom shitters in halls are always going to make the headlines.

For the last few weeks, Bristruths has been inundated with talk of someone emptying their bowels everywhere in Unite and around campus, from the lift, to the laundrette and even in a pizza box left in a washing machine.

Perhaps he tactfully plans out where to make the next move?

As term gets going the phantom shitter's methods are becoming ever more sophisticated. According to one resident, they even managed to tape the contents of their colon to the ceiling.

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Not sure if this is impressive or deeply disturbing

With a scramble for students to figure out who could possibly be doing the deed, UoB students are eager to weigh in.

One abstract hypothesis

Let's hope not, ey

As one previous resident of Unite said: ‘Every flat had a messy person, but for someone to actively squat down, take a dump in a pizza box, carry it around and put it in plain sight, that takes creativity and confidence only a performing arts student could pull off."

Some are using the ordeal to target housemates

Of course, as with any rumour, there are those who believe that the whole thing is being blown out of proportion, perhaps some are just eager to have the prestige of their posts making it to the coveted wall of Bristruths. There are others who are thinking outside the box, perhaps there’s more than one, a copycat colon cleanser if you will. Others have gone with yet more outlandish theories.

Of course, students across campus grow increasingly concerned, when will the brown knight strike next? With the saga likely far from over, whoever or whatever the culprit is, fingers crossed it remains as inventive as ever