The problem

Hi Jack,

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend – a captain of one of the sports teams – for about five months now and everything’s been going really well. Last week, though, he told me that I’ve put on too much weight lately. He says he’s not sure whether he still finds me attractive and says he’s ‘concerned’ about me.

Obviously I found this really hurtful. It’s true I’ve perhaps indulged in food too much recently. I’ve had a lot of work on and I’ve been stressed. As a result, I admit I’ve been eating a lot of junk food. I’m not saying I’ve suddenly become Vanessa Feltz, but he’s right I’ve put on a bit of weight.

I guess what offends me is surely he should see past my appearance? I was under the impression he loved me for who I am and not what I looked like. I’m thinking maybe I’m the one who should be re-evaluating the relationship rather than him after such a nasty comment.

What do you think? Would really appreciate your advice on this.

Too much food from this place?

Jack’s advice

Really sorry, but I’m going to be completely honest with you. Of course, personality is important, but let’s not underestimate the role of physical attractiveness in a relationship. 

If you have gained weight considerably, then perhaps your boyfriend is genuinely concerned about you (especially if he’s incredibly sporty). Generally-speaking, gaining weight is not good for your health – and of course makes you less physically attractive, which is going to have some bearing on your sex life.

If he’s said this in a nasty way, then of course it’s out of order. But if he’s taken you aside and quietly expressed his concerns, which is what I reckon probably happened, then I don’t think he’s in the wrong.

I would suggest taking what he’s said on board, adjusting your diet and hitting the gym.

Regards,

Jack

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