You fail at uni if you need to do all nighters

So it’s the night before your essay is due, the sole purpose of the last 11 weeks of studying a module you have little to no interest in, all for 10 tiny credits.

You’ve set yourself up in the library, a whole booth to yourself and your four cans of Redbull, three bags of chocolate that make a wonderful and not at all irritating rustling noise when you reach for yet another handful of ‘brain fuel’, and a scattering of notes that clearly haven’t been touched since week three.

Empty for a reason

You’ve done a classic tweet, or perhaps even a Facebook post, to let everyone know what a lad you are that you’ve left your essay until the night before it’s due in because you’ve been too busy chinning pints and having sex on many, many occassions. Look at me, I’m so full of banter, blagging this degree thing.

You’re doing life wrong.

Do you realise this could all be solved with a simple bit of planning a few weeks before? If you’re smashing it out in a day, spurred on solely by Redbull and Domino’s, imagine the decrease in stress if you did it the week before over three days.

The look of despair

And really, what are you doing with your life to require doing an essay in 24 hours? You’ve known about it since the beginning of term. You are not the time manager you claimed to be on your personal statement. You are a failure. You can tell yourself you were busy, but realistically you were watching Making A Murderer in bed and we all know it.

Real life organised people

Which is all well and good, but literally what is wrong with you? It’s 10 credits. 20 at most. It’s not worth it. It’s probably not going to affect your degree in the slightest. You’re clearly not that bothered about it so bash it out the week before and give your body the TLC it deserves by following a normal human body clock. You can go out to celebrate even harder once your essay is handed in anyway.

And if you’re revising for an exam that is the next day… well you’ve screwed it by that point, and falling asleep in your three hour literature analysis probs won’t bode well. Give up. You’ve sacrificed yourself to Sports Night and pub quizzes for the last few months, and now it is time to pay. Go down gracefully.