The emergency guide for when you haven’t got a Fab ticket

So, it’s Saturday afternoon and you realise you don’t have a Fab ticket. Your first instincts may be fairly dramatic: howling, sobbing, screaming, crying, shouting. All of these reactions are 100 per cent normal and justified.

You quickly race through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But then what do you do? You really need that ticket.

Option 1

Sell your body, your soul, and even your housemates on the Fab n Fresh Facebook page. Don’t worry about your dignity. Remember that desperation is key.

Oh the desperation…

Success rate: 1/10

Option 2

Just because you don’t have a Fab ticket doesn’t mean you can’t go to Fab. Desperation meets new heights as you arrive at 9pm just to buy a ticket. We warn you – it will be empty for at least two hours.

You will probably peak too early and be alone with your number two in Roosters by 1am but hey, you went to Fab.

Buzzing

Success rate: 9/10

Option 3

Go to predrinks and hope someone gets too drunk to use their ticket. Arguably predrinks are the best bit of the night anyway: it’s before you lose all your mates, get too drunk and cry.

If you’re very, very tactical, you may be able to buy a ticket off someone at pres who is too drunk to go.

Don’t need a fab ticket to be fab at predrinks

Success rate: 5/10

Option 4

Bargain with the bouncers. Just outside the gates of Fab, next to the queue, is the best place to soak in the Fab-ulous atmosphere without a ticket. You can use this time to persuade the bouncers to let you in. Pretend you lost your ticket, beg, maybe even try and sneak in when no one’s looking.*

It’s basically just like being in the smoking area anyway, and you can have a party with the Christian Union who will provide free food and water. It’s not the same as downing Jägerbombs in Joe’s, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Just outside Fab, inside Fab, tomatoe tomato

Success rate: 4/10

Option 5

Go somewhere else. I know it seems crazy to suggest going somewhere other than Fab on a Saturday night, but there are other options. The locals aren’t that bad: Snobs is a great alternative.

The misery of not being at Fab…

Or if a night out seems too tragic, you could head to cheeky Joe’s for comfort food to soothe your broken, Fab-less evening.

Success rate: 10/10

Option 6

Enjoy a night in feeling sorry for yourself. Pamper yourself with food and facemasks and enjoy a well needed night in. You save money and you don’t wake up with a hangover. Win win.

Sit on your other house mates so they can’t go either

Rather be caked in face mask than make up anyway

Your Saturday night without Fab will be bad, it will be depressing, it will be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be completely harrowing.

Make sure you learn your lesson and on Sunday morning when everyone else is too hungover from the last Fab. Head to Joe’s and buy your ticket for the next Fab. Always be prepared.

*The Tab does not encourage sneaking into Fab or antagonising bouncers.