What your ideal night out at Warwick says about you

We may not be spoilt for choice when it comes to night life, but I don’t see anyone dropping out because of it.

Maybe it’s because you’ve found your perfect night out, or maybe it’s because you were planning on blacking out so it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Kasbah

By far the most sociable club out of ‘the big three’. You’re adventurous and can brave the locals and rivals from Cov Uni. Kasbah offers us so much and you appreciate that, whether it be pole dancing competitions, free face painting or the infamous burgers. I mean, which other club gives out free unprotected protection?

Neon

You don’t mind the challenge of not ever finding anyone in the awkward layout as you wade through the sea of freshers until you reunite with the squad. The fog light edges through the cigarette smoke in the smoking area, reminiscent of the backstreets of 1940s New York, and/or you convince yourself you’re about to star in a music video with Chris Brown or something. You are so cool.

POP!

Unless you went circling, you’re either a fresher or a predator. Sorry. You can’t imagine life without Disco Dave and you are most likely a closet S Club 7 cult activist. You don’t give a shit about your shoes getting absolutely wrecked, because you are too. Besides, there are other things to worry about – you could wake up in Westwood.

Smack

You see a night out as an opportunity to test your fitness and love to sweat it out in the iconic R&B room. It is here you will probably become aware of, or participate in, the ASoc/Punjabi Soc rivalry. Unless you are under 5 foot 2 you can’t comfortably stand on the seats without mopping the sweat that drips off the ceiling with your hair. You wish the renovation PR stunt over reading week literally involved raising the roof.

If you do happen to be upstairs, you’ve either had your night ruined because the queue for downstairs was too long, or you’ve just got a kick out of being groped by the bouncers who forcibly removed you for no reason. Please don’t fall down the stairs.

Altoria

You enjoy the luxury status that comes with spending the evening on a roof terrace with plastic topiary and the whole entire population of French international students. Doesn’t matter what they change the name to, it is Library Floor 5. Très diverse.

Switch

The Assembly is a beautiful building, so I won’t judge you for surrounding yourself with the excessively sweaty bodies of people who dropped. You are from an eclectic group of big boys who go for the alternative music, but stay for the architecture.

Kelsey’s

The woody smell of refurbishment, the sound of a cue missing the cueball, fluorescent green drinks; Kelsey’s is your ultimate bar/club hybrid, though we’re yet to understand what they mean by this. It is your haven for mixing alcohols and forgetting about the fact you sat in the library all day tagging your flatmates in memes and did no work.

Birmingham

Congratulations Mr Big Bollocks, you have discovered there is nightlife outside the bubble. It is everything you ever dreamed of and more. It may be a trek but you’re willing to sacrifice everything for a mad one, including your degree. You are a true city baller at heart and prefer to chun on a Five Guys than Vialli’s.