University of Warwick to be removed from the Russell Group and replaced by Coventry

The Russell Group has confirmed that the University of Warwick will officially be leaving the Russell Group and somehow being replaced by none other than Coventry. 

This comes following a three-year-long discussion between the members of the Russell Group who ruled that Coventry University shows more potential as a productive member than the University of Warwick.  

The change in status will apply to with the graduating class of 2024 with all other cohorts after this date to no longer be graduating from a Russell Group university.

The group was established in 1984 and incorporated in 2007, representing universities such as the University of Cambridge, Durham University and, until recently, the University of Warwick.

However, members of the Russell Group have previously expressed interest in Coventry following its performance in the 2021 Research Excellence Framework (REF) periodic review. 

The University of Warwick’s stagnation of rank in the REF and lack of variety in creative arts programs has been questioned by Russell Group members since 2021.  

Members of the Russell Group blame a decline in student performance since 2017 for this decision, with an insider source citing circling as the route cause to The Tab Warwick.

An inside source told us: “We believe that the student tradition of circling is to be blamed. Student drinking culture has grown out of control, leading to concerning cult-like behaviour – especially within the Comp Sci department, as their students remain particularly anti-social.”

Christopher Arath, an Executive at Russell Group, told The Warwick Tab: “It is with much sadness that we say goodbye to the University of Warwick.

“Although we’d love to have both universities, the Russell Group policy on representation per region outside of London means that only one of the universities can represent the West Midlands.

“With Coventry University’s current trajectory, they will be ahead in overall rankings by 2029, in time for the next REF review. This, unfortunately, makes them the better candidate for the Russell Group.” 

University of Warwick students are understandably dissatisfied with the current situation. April, a second-year economics student, told The Warwick Tab: “There’s no point being in the middle of nowhere if we’re not even going to be seen as Russell Group graduates. I knew I should’ve listened to mummy when she told me I’d be happier in Exeter.”

A spokesperson for the university told The Warwick Tab that this change will not affect the validity of prospective students’ experiences or degrees but the university will seek to increase funding for research. Funding will be raised by leasing out spaces in the WBS building and moving the majority of teaching for the business school into the Humanities Building. 

The spokesperson also mentioned the university is considering doubling the price of drinks and decreasing the number of POPs to one every two weeks in hopes of raising research funding.

Capucine, an international management student, was less concerned about the issue, saying: “I don’t know what the Russell Group is. I don’t mind as long as The Grid and the fifth floor of the library are still open.”

You should probably check the date, you April fools!

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