Everything that’s bound to happen on a night out in Kasbah

It might be a Monday but you can still feel the dance floor calling your name. You’re well rested and prepared after your weekend in bed, you’ve caught up on all the work you were meant to do the week before and you’re generally on top of your shit.

So why not go out and get so smashed that you have a hangover that lingers for the next five days?

The night has only just begun

The journey

It’s time to hit Kasbah and everyone’s feeling buzzed. Uniexpress bus rides bring out the fresher in everyone and as you climb on already feeling quite drunk, you pray that the bus doesn’t have to stop so you can can get out and chun.

Somehow we all manage to reach Kasbah in one piece and the queue is always surprisingly short. I’m never quite sure how it takes ages to get into Smack and ten seconds to get into Kasbah, but that’s another story.

The fights

Once you get inside, the inevitable must happen. You need to get your face painted. For some reason, Kasbah releases a burning desire in all students to have their face painted, a desire that has been suppressed since you grew out of the age where face painting was a key part of every birthday party. The problem is, there isn’t a very good queuing system and you usually get into an argument with someone about them cutting in. Top tip: if you really want to annoy someone, repeatedly remind them that it is just face paint, that really winds them up.

Definitely worth queuing half an hour for

The drinks

You’re going to get on those one pound Jägerbombs, and of course you think downing six is a great idea to cement the monumental hangover you’re building up. It’s at about this time in the night that you bump into literally every single person you’ve ever met at Warwick.

You’ll also probably spend far too much time in the smoking area, because it makes you feel like you’re in a swanky London bar, when in fact you’re drinking vodka mixers from a plastic cup and freezing because you’re only wearing a T-shirt.

You will pretend to recognise all the bands they play in the indie section and try your hardest not to notice the couple being not far off having sex in the dark recesses and corners of Kasbah. Plus, you’ll likely get bubbles in your eye at some point which is going to totally fuck with your face paint so really it wasn’t worth it anyway.

The bubbles are going to wreak havoc on this lot

Of course Kasbah is notorious for the energetic singing toilet attendant in the men’s loos. Remember “no spray no lay”, so pay £3.50 for Lynx and you’ll be sorted.

The pull

Pretty soon the night starts drawing to a close and you want to seal the deal with the fittie you’ve been pulling all night only to discover he lives in Coventry. What?! Why did he not make this clear to you earlier? You should be given a sticker so it’s clear that you are at Warwick and only interested in those who live within a two mile radius of Vialli’s. You’re not gonna go back with someone from Cov. That’s a hell of a walk of shame plus you only have one Uniexpress ticket so you can’t take him back to yours and unfortunately you can’t hide him down your trousers like you would with your cheesy chips.

Finally you’re getting back on the bus and despite it being made very clear that you can’t take kebabs on the Uniexpress, you will still act surprised every time. People feel like their rights are being stripped as they stuff their nuggets into their pockets to hide them from the bus driver.

You make your way home and pass out, waking up the next day around 2pm having missed three seminars and a lecture. What a great way to start the week.