I’m sick of hiding it, I’m in love with Katie Hopkins

And no it’s not your hair

Katie my dear, shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

I am a slave to my adoration for you, Ms Hopkins. Though it is not your golden locks I’m enthralled by, nor is it your pouting lips and smooth skin.

No – it is your willingness to say what most would dare not, and to phrase it in such a way to insult the maximum number of people possible.

Offence is a beautiful thing. It sorts the wheat from the chaff – those who cherish and defend free speech, and those who loathe and oppose it.


Katie, you’re marvellous because you’re the person who does that sorting. Your hijinks on daytime television have shone a light on just how far our freedom to say whatever we want has been eroded.

People will argue that the right to free speech does not include the right to offend others. Katie and I would tell them to fuck off. Insult is a cornerstone of free expression.

Free speech is the motor of progress. Once upon a time it was insulting to claim that God does not exist. Once upon a time it was insulting to be gay. Look at where we are now. We live in a country that won’t burn you at the stake or chemically castrate you for what you choose to believe or who you choose to sleep with. Modern Britain was built on our propensity to insulting people.


I’m yours, Katie

Katie, what you say may sometimes be a bit trivial, but the point still stands. Who are you or I, or the eagle-eyed white knight sitting behind a keyboard to say which opinions are right and which are wrong? One of your best qualities is your humility. You don’t presume to know what should and should not be said, and that’s a real turn on.

By my count, so far this year you have been under investigation at least three times for things that you have tweeted. God knows how many times you have been reported by some self-righteous twit intent on wasting police time. Frankly, and I am sure that you agree with me Katie, if one doesn’t like what they see on the Internet, they can turn off their computer and go outside. No one is forcing you to read things that make your PC spidey sense tingle.

Unfortunately though, people will continue to call you racist. People will insult your appearance. People will accuse you of being a professional shit-stirrer. But by God they should be grateful for you showing us what we can and cannot say. You’re on the frontline in the war for free speech whilst most of us are either hiding under a rock, or informing on our neighbours for saying something a bit old fashioned or risqué.

For all of this, Katie, I offer you my hand in marriage. Please be the mother of my non-geographically-named children. And let us hold out against a world that has apparently turned upside-down.

All my love,