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Did anyone even know The Globe has reopened? It’s so tragic

Talk about a glow down

Hearts were smashed into pieces when it was revealed that The Globe would be changing hands in February, with many wondering where else they could have a pint pit-stop before heading into Casablancas. Whilst many attended the closing party, unbeknownst to many students, The Globe has actually re-opened.

We were immediately intrigued, and so took to the internet to find out more.

Considering that the ‘The Globe Grand Reopening’ Facebook event only had 4 attendees, we did not expect great things from the new Globe. As we entered on a busy Saturday night in Brighton, our low expectations were very much confirmed as we walked into a room of about 13 people. Not only were customers few and far between, but we were about 20 years younger than everybody else in the building.

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The previous night had been marketed as ‘Thank Folk it’s Friday,’ so we didn’t really know what to expect as we descended the staircase into the basement room.

It’s safe to say that gate crashing a 50th birthday party was far from what we anticipated.

The sight of several smashed middle aged women grinding and twerking to drum and bass is enough to put anyone off their ‘3 for £7.65 Bombs’. However, they seemed pretty unbothered by a group of broke students crashing their birthday party.

Or if Jagerbombs aren't your thing, you could instead go for…

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We'll pass thanks x

The Globe, much like its current target demographic, is having a mid-life crisis. It seemingly cannot make its mind up as to what audience it wants to attract; Boasting a wide variety of events from the previously mentioned ‘Thank Folk it’s Friday’, to ‘Reggae and Rum’ to ‘Trap Tuesday’.

Need a venue for your hen do? They’ve got you covered. Looking for a Pirate themed party night? The Globe’s your place. Whether it’s ‘DJ Whessel smashing out those old skool tunes again’ or ‘returning to smash out that dirty bass’, the Facebook page alone shows that rather than appealing to everybody, they are appealing to nobody.

I don't know how many Jamaican, trap loving, engaged pirates are living in Brighton but rest assured The Globe is gonna cater for you.

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David Guetta who?

For those who believe that any place could be redeemable if you drink enough, you are also out of luck. The drinks at The Globe are pricey, with a double at the price of £7.90.

No longer ran by the Students' Union, one may find it difficult to see that this empty vessel was once a student bar.

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Never thought that we would be going to a 50th party this early in our lives

We wanted to send an email to The Globe to see if we could discuss our opinions of the place. No surprise however, when we sent the email it didn't send anywhere. The Globe has incorrectly spelt their own email on the bar blackboard.

'The Globe Brigton'

With that to be said, there are some redeeming aspects of the pub that don’t make it entirely shit. The 70’s and 80’s throwbacks on the top floor were a welcome relief to the 'dirty stinking bass' pounding from the floor downstairs.

We left The Globe after about half an hour, realizing that although the exterior remains the same, its authenticity has been replaced with a tragic sense of non-identity.

At least we’ll always have our beloved East Slope to fall back on… Oh wait.