Beijing Adventures: Please read this credit card number out loud

Living in Beijing has some perks. For instance, for 2RMB or about 20p you can get anywhere in the city on the subway. Massages cost about £8. If you are ever lost, malls are easy to find, so at least you know you’ve got food, water, and a public restroom available. Plus, if you are a native English speaker, you can make far above minimum wage, at least by UK and US standards, by just speaking English. 

On Sunday, I made £30 in about 90 minutes recording phrases in English. I answered an ad on the Internet and received a call on Saturday night. The man who called gave me no name, no company description – just an address, a time, and the compensation I would receive: 150RMB per recording. The ridiculous compensation made me overlook the strangeness of the situation. Never before had I been rewarded for having the basic skills required to manage life. 

I arrived a little past 10 AM, rushing into an office out of breath only to find nobody there. I wandered a bit, surprised at the seemingly unending hall of empty rooms. I finally came across one woman sitting alone in a big conference room, who made a few calls when she saw me. About 10 minutes later, a man came in and wordlessly led me to another room with a laptop, headphones, and a cup of water. He taught me how to do the recordings, told me I would have cash in hand at the end, and that I would be paid per recording not per hour. 

He left me alone and I began the recording, reading the words that came up on the computer screen.

“Birmingham, AL.”

“Please save Tasha in mobile.”

“The three men helped to kill and clean the infected ducks.”

“Dewayne.”

“Every man should know how to talk to all women, be real with one woman, and appreciate one woman.”

And my personal favorite, “please play It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp.”

While the phrases were random to say the least, I did not get worried until this one came up:

“Please read this credit card number out loud.”’

Had I just helped them commit credit fraud? Were they going to splice together all these random pieces into some devious cohesive whole that they would blame on me because I had “said” it? Was I the new Chinese Siri? 

I kept going, and finished after about 40 minutes. Just as they promised, they handed me 150RMB and suddenly I had £15! It was too easy. So when they asked if I wanted to do another one of course I said yes.

They told me to follow two guys, who led me outside to the street. After waiting 10 minutes in the cold, a red Toyota pulled up. They opened the door and told me to step inside. 

Inside, the Toyota was rigged up like an FBI van, equipped with headphones, laptops, buttons, speakers, extra microphones, and wires wrapped around more wires. I sat in the front passenger seat and they had me start recording again.

“Tokyo.”

“Johnny Cash.”

“Please call Nico at the office.”

“Spell this word out: F U M I G A T E.”

As the screen came up with anime characters congratulating me on finishing, I was told that part one had just finished. The car began to move, and they motioned for me to start recording again as I was driven around the block at about 20mph down some big Beijing streets that for once were not jammed. I felt uneasy again, convinced I was being filmed as part of some psych experiment or maybe a really bad reality television program. Yet 15 minutes later, they dropped me off where they had picked me up. They handed me another 150RMB and I walked to the subway, £30 richer, unsure of what crimes I had just abetted...