Get the look: Spring break

Longing to make some poor life decisions in a foreign land? Fed up of drinking pre-mixed mojitos from a bottle? Want to be 50 shades of orange? 

Never fear, spring break is here! WOOHOO. So whether you’re hitting the slopes, the beach or that wee town your grandparents moved to (aint no party like my nana’s tea party) – everyone is wanting to pop the bubble. And frankly, I don’t blame you. With St Andrews having four seasons in a day, the vengabus having come and gone, and with deadlines looming – things are looking a little bleugh. 

Unfortunately, not all of us in St Andrews have the disposable income to jet to far flung corners of the globe mid March. So, if like me you have £20 left of your overdraft and lingering vom waves from tesco everyday value rum – so cheap, it would be rude not to have it every day – don’t despair. With these few simple steps, no one will know you never left… 

The wonderful thing about headwear, is headwear is a wonderful thing – for boys too! If you were going anywhere, I would harp on about sun protection, but really following are spring break disguises. It’s like being a spy, only shitter.

Ironic ethnic piece picked up exploring the hidden markets of Marrakech? Check. Fluorescent ski googles from your Après-ski partying in Austria? Sorted. A trilby from a beach shop in Corfu? Please. Your grannie’s old knitted beanie? Eh, if you must.

However you choose to cover up your noggin, just make sure you’ve got your story straight. No variety headwear can distract from the smell of burning because your pants are on fire.

Next step: rock a cheeky bikini top under your clothes when you go to the library. Follow these steps when a much needed break is in order. Sneak off to the toilets, wait until they’re empty, flash your bikini top in the mirror and manically cheer ‘SPRING BREAK, BITCHES!’. There may not be camera men, MTV, a pool, or dignity involved, but that’s what makes it oh so wild. You crazy cat.

image  © livefreeandtravel.com

But really, the key to your Spring Break look is a statement t-shirt. Literally. I’ll see your European inter-railing and raise you… 

image © spreadshirt.com

Or try this cutie:  

image  © personalisedtshirts.com

No one has to know that you are not actually from Bristol.

Be creative and customise your own! Try a different slogan tee for each day after the break. We love these fun ideas:

“Without this tshirt, I’m just another naked girl in Magaluf!”

“Amster-daayamn girl. “

“I lost my self-respect and my other clothes in Prague.”

“I’ve been Rome-ing all over Italy this break!”

“I had an explosive time! Spring Break, North Korea, 2k13.”

“Pope Party! Francis the first wasn’t my first time. Vatican City, 2013″

…and many, many more!

Now, for the final stage. The icing on the cake. The finishing touch. Get yourself to St Tropez (its shelf in Boots). Buy it all cos you are about to be mistaken for an oomph loompa. If you don’t look like you have jaundice, you’re not trying hard enough. There is no tan, only orange sorbet, wotsit or tangerine. If your skin resembles a ‘healthy glow’, you have a ‘bronzed’ complexion, or is even just *shudder* pale, no one will believe your spring break adventures. All my advice will have been for nothing. Don’t worry though, if you go swimming you’ll be bright enough to act as a safety buoy. Think of how your glow will save innocent lives, and be thankful you read this article.

image  © cheltenhambeautyspa.co.uk

headline image  © nytimes.com