Christmas criminal strikes again…

Fife Council has just released exclusively to The Stand that an alert has about a trespasser infiltrating peaceful East Fife homes near midnight.*

The man’s strikes will allegedly climax later this month; he has also been known in past years to raid homes for cookies. Strangely, no one affected has ever witnessed the perpetrator but children have reported seeing a flash of a red suit through the window, as well as hearing neigh-ing and chomping coming from outside. One witness has said the man wore a hat with a bobble, had a white beard and was strikingly overweight.

Authorities have gathered that he has a penchant for chocolate oranges, iced biscuits, and milk (with a preference for whole).

The Council has yet to report whether the intrusions have reached homes outside of the East Fife area. In order to avoid the man it’s been suggested to put a Hannukkah menorah or Kwanzaa kinara in the window. It remains an enigma as to why these homes escape a break-in.

National news has yet to issue advice to avoid attack, but patterns dictate a lack of caroling, evergreen trees, and holiday cheer. If you’d rather meet the man and receive the wrapped boxes he allegedly leaves behind (careful when opening), stay merry and hide the menorah. He’s sure to come ’round.

(Merry Christmas from The Stand!)

*No true crimes have been reported, this is a work of fiction

Image courtesy of gizmodo.com