Single in St Andrews?

September is break-up month. Freshers have waved goodbye to their high-school sweethearts, promising to Skype but forgetting all about it as uni, like, totally develops you into a different person. The rest of us have returned determined to work and play with zero distraction, a boyf or girlf would thoroughly ruin your new work ethic and sideline party lifestyle.

But despite good intentions, we think that some of you are having a tough time adjusting to life without a goodnight kiss… Well, The Stand is here to dry your tears; all you suddenly-singles out there, here are our DOS and DON’TS for being SiSA (Single in St Andrews)…

Don’t call them – especially if they co-inhabit St Andrews. Your 2am post-Dervish drunk-dial will be remembered when you’re awkwardly behind them in the Tesco queue. You don’t need them, you don’t need their pity, and you certainly don’t need to hear the dial tone when they hang up on your drunken ass.

Do listen to Taylor Swift. The queen of teenage breakups will get you out of the funk. Her latest track ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ is a winner, with other classics including ‘Mean’ and ‘Picture to Burn’. Let Taylor show you you’re not alone.

Don’t blame yourself. You are great; you are attractive; you are clever and awesome and totally coping on your own. Put on a sexy outfit and…

…Do drink in a positive environment. Go out with friends who will force you to do shot after shot until you forget your own name, let alone the ex’s. Go to the Bop to erotically rub a stranger and then pass out with a box of cheesy chips. Look how much fun you’re having! You don’t need no ‘other half’ to have a blast.

Do move on. Remember that hot piece of something you locked eyes with in your tutorial that one time? That someone who brushed passed you in the Union? Jump on that. Just remember to tell them it isn’t love and you’re not going to call them in the morning, because you are SiSA and loving it.

If you’re SiSA and not loving it, look out for The Stand’s most popular feature BLIND DATE, returning at last! Email us if you’re interested in having a free dinner at the Oak Rooms and for the chance to meet your Prince/Kate.