The library lowdown: a revision week guide

Exam week is here and after last weekend’s May Ball shenanigans everyone will be getting down to revision. And where better to get your studying groove on than in the architectural monstrosity that is the library? As we all know, the library is the place to see and be seen. Before entering (or attempting to enter if you forget your matric card!), check out this guide on where to sit, what to wear and how to generally behave in the section you finally choose.

The Catwalk

Before the epic refurbishment of the library, the entire ground floor was known as the catwalk. However, this title has now been transferred to the entrance section where the sofas are strategically placed in the middle of the walkway so that one can watch as people saunter past. This is the section for both the observers and the keen fashionistas amongst the student population. If you want to know what’s hot and what’s not in revision week attire, just take a seat and witness the mixture of tracksuit-clad freshers, dolled-up third year females and suited and booted fourth year gentlemen. When walking down the catwalk, please ensure that you have your walk prepared. None of this casual shuffling around in slippers (you know who you are). Struts, shimmies and gangsta shoulder-leans are what we are looking for here. Please note: this is not a place to study.

The GC (Geek Chic)

This is the area behind the short loan bubble at the back of the ground floor. This is where you will find some hardcore style. The ones who hang here are serious about work and serious about staying fly. If you want to venture into this exclusive section, you will need to don your Beats, open up your MacBook Air and get in that geeky zone. Make sure you think about your outfit carefully before you turn up here, because you will be judged by fifty pairs of eyes when you enter. If you pass, the eyes will follow you to your seat; if you fail, they will be averted as soon as possible. It is a competition.

The Playpen

The rest of the ground floor is for those who are all about Facebook-stalking, eating food at a loud volume and chatting their bizniz for the rest of the world to hear. If you want to have the appearance of studying while actually doing nothing, park yourselves here. Fake glasses are probably a good shout. I have it on good authority that this is where the majority of the hot people hang out. (Sadly, I am not one to frequent the playpen so would not know). As one student tweeted recently: “I have identified too many fitties in the library. All walking about shaking their butts. CURSE YOU ALL TO SEXY, SEXY HELL!” Keep it up children.

The Sexy Silent Zone

The students on the first floor: keepin’ it sexy while keepin’ it down. Ladies, ensure that you get lots of hair-flicking in as you distract the guys who are casually leaning back in their chairs trying to catch your eye. However, you are in the silent zone for a reason, so gentlemen, please keep your mouths shut – you don’t want to be chastised by those librarians who roam around waiting to catch you out.

The PTU (Postgrad Trauma Unit)

The second floor, a place of sadness and desperation. Fashion does not matter here. Flirtation is not an option. Making eye contact is unadvisable. Just keep your head down and avoid getting your carrel claimed. If you are obliged to retrieve a book from the PTU, prepare yourself for death glares and the head-shakes that will inevitably follow your visit. The key to success? Prepare in advance and choose wisely on your way in. If you stick to these guidelines, your library experience might be not productive, but it will certainly be memorable.