The Apprentice: Week 4

CAUTION! CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Setting the Scene

We are treated to the delightful scene of the candidates frolicking in the mansion during a morning off. Lie in last week? Morning off this week? Starting to think The Sug is losing is touch. The phone rings. It’s him. Ooooh maybe he fancies a game of ping pong squeals Adam. No, he wants to meet them at The Old Cinema. Maybe there’s a showing of Titanic 3D?  Ah but no, the plot thickens when they arrive to find that it’s not “actually functional” as Azhar wonders but filled with second han- oh, sorry, vintage, goods. So that’s where the ‘old’ bit comes in. Lord Sugar begins with the timeworn adage “one man’s junk is another man’s treasure” (you can tell by his facial expression which category he thinks the stuff in here belongs to) before giving them each £1000 to source and sell their own second hand goods at a pop up shop in the East End. Whoever makes the most money wins.

The Task

Once again the teams are mixed up a bit. Jade is sent to Phoenix and Ricky Martin is sent to Sterling. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the memo about the matching red and black colour scheme on his new team but he did have a top ten hit on the US Latin Pop Songs List with the Spanish language version of the Hercules theme song in 1997 and I know which one I’d rather have.

Laura is voted PM, which is surprising as it turns out she’s in the same boat as dear old Samantha Brick insisting to the camera that there are ups and downs to being an attractive businesswoman. Over at Team Phoenix, Tom assumes the role of PM. Luckily, he isn’t hated for being too attractive because he is more well-rounded. He quickly establishes that quality, not quantity is the aim of the game. He sends Adam, Katie and Stephen to an auction house on a very tight budget. Nick Hewer is appalled. They have committed “mortal sin” he decries to camera by not pushing for more money and only bidding on four items. Adam quickly sorts this by having a wee recky at the bins on the way out before heading back to Brick Lane or as Hewer calls it “home to the young and trendy with the gelled hair.” Erm, yeah…

Sterling aren’t so concerned with quality, adopting the mantra of  turning “crap into style”. They opt for the route of upcycling and Gabrielle leads the way because she simply loves taking old furniture and “tarting it up”. Karen Brady knowingly reminds the viewers that it takes a certain amount of expertise to do this. Indeed when the furniture makeover is completed with poorly painted Union Jacks, she’s right in thinking it’s “more shabby than chic”. Duane thinks it looks as if he’s painted them and he can’t even paint!

The next day, both teams instigate the sensible tactic of including the words “retro” and “vintage” in their shop names. It is a well-known fact these magic words automatically make gullible people willing to pay over the odds for items that can otherwise be found for free in a bin. I know because I am one of these people. Stephen is taking this target market very seriously and struggles with what he should wear. In the end he decides to just try and be as “hip” as possible because that must surely work.  Sure thang Stevo. Maybe after you can put on your flares, head out to a disco and drink some Babycham? Aside from Stephen’s conspicuous appearance, the team does well in their minimalist shop, even having to re-stock gear half way through the day. Hewitt has to eat his words and apologise for his earlier sneering.

It’s a slower start over at Sterling’s shop. The artfully scattered leaves around the shop floor have unfortunately failed to entice the artsy crowd. Turns out what they’re really after is 10% off fliers. Even trendy kids love a discount!

Sales pick up for Sterling and in the end, they actually sell the most. However, they spent too much on the materials for their customising spree leaving them with a profit of only £783 behind Phoenix’s £1063.

The Boardroom

It all begins to unravel for Sterling in the boardroom just like a perfectly distressed piece of knitwear from Urban Outfitters. They used up a third of their budget on materials for upcycling their products and Karen reckons that they actually de-valued them in the process. The blame falls to Gabrielle for this who returns to the boardroom with PM Laura and Jane who has only actually managed to sell £10 worth of stock from their 200+ items. This is the third week Jane has been in the losing team in the four-week long process. Lord Sugar is starting to wonder if she made her CV up. Meanwhile, he suggests that Laura just lost the plot. Gabrielle and Jane agree but obviously that’s because Laura is a self-assessed beautiful woman who other women are genetically programmed to hate.

Who’s Fired?

In admittedly one of his toughest decisions yet, Lord Sugar decided that the Jane he sees on the CV is not the one he sees in front of him and so she’s fired.

The Verdict

It was really a shame that these guys lost the task after doing so well with the sales but they were stupid with their material costs. That was really Gabrielle’s fault but then again, perhaps Laura could’ve given a bit more guidance. Ach, she was probably too busy silently hating her to have listened anyway.