Path to toastie bar heaven: A fresher’s night out

By the beginning of second semester, the average fresher has unofficially received a crash course in St Andrews nightlife. Five months is more than enough time, I believe, to experience everything this town has to offer after 10pm, especially since as freshers we probably go out more than the three older years combined.

There are plenty of reasons you, young fresher, can choose from to justify this to your concerned friends at home. With basically no work that you are actually going to do, you end up going out two or three times a week to the same three or four places in town.

I’m 18, live in McIntosh Hall and have probably been to the Vic (new, old, whatever) at least fifty times already. I have watched my friends’ Lizard virginities slowly slip away over the last few months – myself first going during Freshers’ week. I have come to the realisation that there is a definite routine to nights out already in place, but it is the nights that differ from the norm that are the most fun and memorable.

And what exactly does that routine involve? To me, this is a typical Friday night:

DISCLAIMER: May be inaccurate because 75% of events on nights out will be erased from my memory.

Step 1 Picking your poison: The early evening Tesco run after a delicious (…) hall dinner. You consider buying food instead. One of your alcoholic friends gets you back on track just in time for an awkward run in the alcohol aisle.

Step 2  Primping: Where does the time go…

Step 3 Interhall Drinking: The most popular sport. Lately, it seems McIntosh tries to throw a Pre-Bop every Friday. Basically, we get unlimited free alcohol hidden in semi foul, very weak, alarmingly coloured mixed drinks with names like Sea Monster. If there is no Pre-Bop, everyone still manages to create a megagroup of McIntoshers anyway. After 7-8 drinks you are almost drunk enough to leave.

Step 4 Where to go: 20 minutes later. One more drink. 10 minutes later. Waiting for someone. Might as well down one more drink. 20 minutes later. Oh we’re really leaving now, one shot. About 10:30 – weighing the pros and cons of not paying for the Lizard and being the only ones in the Lizard. Decide to go to the  Vic for cheap drinks – oh wait – new Vic is expensive. Rascals? Can’t handle change. Leave in exasperation and go to the Union. You will not remember this part in the morning.

Step 5 The Union: One, two, three drinks later you are having the best time! The whole world is shouting to each other, downing messy bombs, and casually minesweeping while trolling the perimeter for one specific person. One spilled drink, two trips to the bathroom, three new best friends later, and it’s already 11:30! The ensuing giggles and shouts mean that it’s that truly excellent part of the night, when the brave go to the paradigm of class and beauty, the well-ventilated place where Kate and Will ceremoniously practised their wedding waltz to the thumping music: The Lizard.

Step 6 Lizard: You will not remember the walk to the Lizard in the morning. Next thing you know, three pounds are gone and you’re stumbling down stairs to a magical place where you can finally have another drink. You are the right amount of drunk for the Lizard, ie. completely wasted.

Step 7 Drunk Food: After an hour or two of yelling “Whoo!” as you dance gracefully, you are now ready for the Toastie Bar. Thank you so much C. U., we freshers still revel at your excellence, so much so that at the beginning of every Friday night we say, with conviction, “I WILL make it to Toastie Bar tonight.” This is sadly often not the case.

These seven lovely steps are repeated without fail by many a drunk Fresher every Friday. Sometimes you mix it up and stumble into Ma Bells or 40 and leave with a slightly more posh accent. More likely you wake up on Saturday thinking that was a good night, but not great.

What St Andrews needs are more great nights – the nights where you come home with new numbers in your phone and not the ones where the smell of the Lizard and Dervish are smothering you with the promise of regret.

The nightlife of a fresher lacks mingling, surprises, and entertainment. We go out every night in huge packs from our respective halls and fail to really hang out with new people. I hope that in the coming years, the years of flat parties and casual drinks with friends, we Freshers will experience a different kind of St Andrews night, and hopefully come back to our flats with less disappointment.