India Doyle: I’m bringing sexy back

Facebook and I are currently ‘on a break’, which means that I am so behind the rest of the Universe in terms of popular culture, I have to read the newspapers to find out what’s going on. It’s bullshit. Anyway, it also means that I miss out on the cool new ‘vids’ posted by various societies/gangs/crews to promote their latest event. It was only recently then, that I stumbled across yet another jumble of a weird remix, suggested sex and fist pumpin’ in one of our sketchy clubs.

Now, I don’t have an agenda, I personally thought said video was pretty cringe but that’s my own personal opinion. The question that the video raised, however, was an interesting one:

In St Andrews, does sex actually sell or are we just selling sex?

The thing is, I don’t think watching a hot pair of people make out and rub their feet up and down each other screams: buy these tickets. It just makes you want to scream with embarrassment. Past events that have employed this method (cough GIG cough) didn’t have much success selling tickets with their hot bodied models either. I remember walking into the library on the day of the event and being confronted with a pair desperate to shift some more tickets before the day was out. Equally, in fashion shows such as FS and Dont Walk which always sell out, they use their imaginations and look beyond the boy + girl might have sex formula. I have no idea if the un-named event has sold out, but I can almost guarantee that if it has, it was absolutely nothing to do with their video.

In a town as small as St Andrews, I think that future directors should rely more on glamour and maybe even the concept of, dare I say it, being sexy or just hand out some free chocolate with the tickets, Jesus, that’s probably the most effective method of all time. Why do we even need videos? There’s 7000 people at the University, just put up a poster by the library swiping-in things. You’ll have a captive audience.

In terms of selling sex, I don’t know if anyone, bar maybe the self-proclaimed ‘bros’ and sleazy fuckers (literally and metaphorically) amongst us, have ever looked at a video and thought ‘yeah, I’m definitely going to that because it told me I’ll get to have sex’. And if that’s what you’re trying to achieve, why not just stage an orgy in the privacy of your own home? Save yourself the time and effort of making the advert in the first place.

More to the point, I think selling sex is illegal. Don’t do it.