Clare Sheehan: Time for a change

I need a change. I came to this realisation yesterday, while staring into a half-empty coffee mug that has been sitting on my desk since mid-October. The coffee, once the colour of rich mahogany, was now coated in a mouldy green frothing. It’s obvious by now that cleanliness isn’t high on my list of priorities, but even I have to draw the line at letting my room be prey to an ecosystem of fungi colonies. How did I let this happen? I thought to myself. I sought out the advice of one of my flatmates who told me with barely enough empathy to shield her disgust, ‘Don’t worry, you’ve probably just been too busy to notice!’

I won’t even bother trying to convince you that this statement is true. Breaching the limit on my Megavideo minutes three times a day surrenders any ability to ever make the argument that I’m ‘busy.’ Busy people definitely don’t spend hours drawing pictures of cats or painting Spiderman masks on their face with their flatmate’s red lipstick. The highlight of a busy person’s day definitely isn’t the five precious minutes they spend Q-tipping their ears after a shower. I’m not busy, I realised in my moment of clarity, I’m just bored.

My high school English teacher once told me that every story ever written either involves someone new coming to town or someone going on a journey. Take Andrea Saint’s column for example. In just a few short months of her journey to the States, she’s encountered hurricanes, earthquakes, top-secret sorority missions, and the sexual debauchery that is American college life. The most depraved thing I’ve done this year is putrefy my lungs with mould spores because I’m too lazy to wash a mug.

Consider this my scout’s honour: the days of regaling you with anecdotes of my pathetic hygiene and Rodentia (I’ll love you forever, Woodchips) are over. Unfortunately, due to the trials and tribulations of the single life, the prospects of someone new coming to town are slim. That leaves a journey – a journey to find a life of adrenaline-soaring excitement. I will bring you adventure. I will bring you suspense. I will smear this online forum with words so dangerous you’ll be running to Dundee for cover. Boredom can suck it. 

With the help of my partner-in-crime and newly found cohort Kelly, the possibilities are endless. We’ve got a line up of escapades so scintillating it’ll make your head spin. And you better believe there will be photographic evidence to prove it. Will we fail? Maybe. But this morning I showered with the door unlocked and boy did it feel badass. I’ve talked it over with my flatmates, and they’re over the moon about the idea too. Apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks I need to get out of the house more.

Written by Clare Sheehan, bystander

Photo © Jennifer Russell