Clare Sheehan: Laundry Day

I do not do laundry often. This is a candy-coated way to say that I do laundry about two to three times a semester. Because I am a girl, I know that this is considered disgusting, unhygienic, and about twenty other adjectives that taint the edges of my femininity. However, with so many reruns of America’s Next Top Model on Sidereel, who has time for such a toilsome endeavour? It’s easier to let my piles of dirty clothes accumulate across the floor of my room. Besides, laundering ability is not something that qualifies you for a place in Tyra’s model house. Trust me, I checked.

When these piles begin to teeter, I move onto other sections of my room, such as under the desk, behind the door, and eventually the center of the room, a situation where anyone attempting to enter has to extol an effort akin to an Olympic hurdler. Doesn’t bother me though – the challenge of maneuvering around them has actually honed my flexibility and agility skills. If anything, it’s assured me that if I were a Pokemon (Snorlax, just saying), I’d definitely have enough experience points to evolve to the next level.

Eventually, when I run out of underwear or have exhausted the number of times I can pass off turning my shirts inside out or spraying my courderoys with Febreeze (a wonderful invention!!!), it falls upon me to claim the upstairs washer and dryer for a two day minimum, as the number of loads that cycle through the machine usually soars well into the double digits. Of course, keep in mind that this time frame should remain liberal at all times, as I usually forget to take my clothes out of the washer until the damp smell of moldy clothes wafts into my nostrils and triggers my memory. No matter, I’ll just run the loads through again. I still have five seasons left of ANTM and hey, I am totally willing to give up my bathroom sink if my other flatmates need to do their laundry. Anticipating needs? Check. Problem-solving dexterity? You betchya. Jeez, I’d be on my way to defeating the Elite Four by now. 

If the dryer is in on the fritz, which in my flat often happens, I have to lay my clothes out to air dry. Because of the high volume of clothing, available surface area disappears quickly and I’m forced to move on to hallway banisters, doorknobs, dining room tables, backs of chairs, and of course radiators. Ah, the wonder of a radiator. Letting my clothes absorb all that warmth makes them so toasty when I put them on. I know this can limit the circulation of heat around the flat, but if anyone gets cold I’m totes down to let you borrow a sweatshirt just as soon as they’re dry!

In total, my laundry process takes about a week. If I do laundry three times in a semester, this amounts to 21 days where it is certain I will inconvenience you. It’s impressive really – I never thought I would have the ability to annoy someone for over a fortnight. I’ve thought a lot about this, and the only solution I can think of is investing in a second washing machine. Expensive, I know, but I’m sure we could find one Tesco Value.