Library out of order

Sections of the first floor are systemically shutting down, leaving a demoralizing trail of ‘Out of Order’ signs that are reducing students to hysterics.

It’s deadline time in St Andrews and students are flocking to the library en masse. Red bull cans are multiplying, cigarette butts are accumulating, and the coffee line in ‘1413’ (does anyone call it that?) is extending out the door. Stress has descended upon us all.

Unfortunately, the library has decided to throw a tantrum at the worst time imaginable. Sections of the first floor are systemically shutting down, leaving a demoralizing trail of ‘Out of Order’ signs that are reducing students to hysterics.

So far, students have lost access to both vending machines, the water fountain, and a printer. The three library life lines – nutrition, hydration, and printer credits – have been cut off.

Is the library staging a protest? Have students not given her makeover the appreciation it deserves? Maybe the insolent doodling in short loan books has sent her over the edge.

A way must be found to get St Andrews students back in the library’s good graces before the wails of desperation reach a crisis point. If anyone has any extra lambs lying around, now would be a good time to offer them as a sacrifice.