Word from the ‘Burgh

Nonetheless, his generosity fuelled Scotland’s stubborn pride at their academic superiority over England – a move that undoubtedly left ye’ ol’ Bill Wallace’s cadaver smirking like an adolescent boy in a strip club. The tweed community of St Andrews was not so impressed. It meant the introduction of yet another group of intellectual elitists who could challenge their esteemed publications. Their passé understanding of the empirical shape of a tobacco pipe would negate them from their fashionable trends and reduce them to *NSYNC choreographed céilidhs – only then, it was ‘Lexi’ Hume driving the sexually confused, and lately frustrated, ensemble. St Andrews students would be shafted to ride at the back of the carriage.

Today, however, much has changed. First of all, English kids can no longer indulge in the fruits of a sub-extortionate university education. With Alex Salmond driving Scottish independence, starry-eyed international freshers are half expecting Salmond to march an SNP contingent, dressed in assless chaps and cone bras, up Arthur’s seat, chanting the Proclaimer’s 500 Miles in a scene reminiscent of a homosexually embracive Braveheart. Don’t get me wrong, that would be a sight in itself! But ministers can only justify the fee hike as a preventative measure for Scotland becoming an academic refugee camp, similar to Operation Hold-the-Line in the Mexico-United States barrier but involving aspiring youngsters as opposed to dicey Mexicans carting crystal meth and crack cocaine.

On another note, Edinburgh and Glasgow will be hosting a few musicians sure to make your pants drop and balls tingle. Shows including the Darkness, Duran Duran, Maccabees, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Ed Sheeran, Skrillex, Noel Gallagher, Chase and Status, White Lies, Jesse J, Death Cab for Cutie are some of the popular acts that will be tickling Scotland this autumn.  South African live duo Goldfish are a must see. After a successful residence at Pacha Ibiza, they’ve opened for international stars such as Faithless, Basement Jaxx, Fatboy Slim, Paul Van Dyke and Audio Bullys. Performing at the Caves, 26 October, their Afro jazz electronica show will send pulses down your arms and leave you quivering in a post orgasmic trance. Be sure to head to Edinburgh for this one! If your interested, go to www.theskinny.co.uk for all info.

Written by Jos Singer, understand writer
Jos Singer is studying Archtitecture at the University of Edinburgh, and will regularly provide info, anecdotes, quips and quibbles from – brace yourselves – outside the Bubble.